I've been No Contact (NC) with my birth family for nearly 2 years, after I was assaulted by my mother in a hospital (visiting my grandmother fresh from surgery) for refusing to stop taking hormones. I'm a transgender woman, 25 at the time, and have lived on my own since I was 19. To say that I was self sufficient would an understatement.

Background: My grandfather is my mother's father. She is a textbook narcissist, and she only had children as a form of rebellion (her words). My mother has always been abusive, in every way imaginable. This caused me to run away at 19 and go NC with the family for over a year until I was 21. Even after I reestablished contact with them my grandparents had a terrible habit of rugsweeping her behavior and shifting part of or all of the blame for her actions onto me.

After the hospital incident I made it clear that I was going to NC with my mother indefinitely and that I had filed a police report for the assault. My grandparents both started rug sweeping and attempting to shift blame. When this happened I put my foot down and told them "If you honestly believe that her assaulting me was MY fault, then we have nothing else to say to each other. Goodbye." And I hung up. I didn't hear from them during the 3 months I kept my old phone number, and when I changed my number none of them got an update.

I didn't hear from my grandparents at all until this past December, when my grandfather called my job asking for me. During this call he told me that my mother had had a marble rolling pin fall on her head and she is no longer able to walk as a result. He was in tears as he begged me to come to their family Christmas, saying "It doesn't feel like Christmas without you."

I refused, feeling that it would be a trap (as has happened before). I told him that I would contact him later, via text, to talk about possibly setting up a meeting on neutral ground, after I spoke to my partner about it. I've since put an app on my phone that creates a spoof number to text and call from so I can keep my true cell number secret.

Should we actually go through with this meeting? I'm not sure how much I trust him to actually understand why I went NC or what exactly they did wrong. I am not sure that I can trust him to respect our boundaries, privacy, our sexuality (lesbian), or my gender identity.

If we do go to this meeting, what advice would you give around this situation?

We've already decided that my wife will come with me (they don't know we got married). And I'm considering asking a Male friend of ours to accompany us, just in case.