I have been together with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. We met during our first and second years of college and have continued beyond it. We've had our ups and downs as with all other couples and we're currently in Boston.

But over time, she has been increasingly lethargic about doing active things or coming up with things for us to do. Its all me suggesting things for us to do outside the house such as museums, or attractions, events, hang outs with others. Then she went home to seattle for 2 weeks and the entire she was there she was super active, engaging with friends, going to different spots in the city. And i understand that, the trip home is like a holiday and you're meeting family and friends for a short period of time so there's more incentive to be active, gregarious and outgoing. While she was away (this is from dec 22nd to Jan 4th so christmas and nye stuff), i was pretty alone, and was having my own mental health and issues from an injury.

It was basically a bit of tough time and so i was jealous about the fun she was having since she could see her family and going crazy with her friends (my family's in India and friends have mostly moved away) and that reflected in our conversations where we wouldn't really have proper conversations for most of the time she was away. But regardless, I looked forward to her return and on 4th, I went to pick her up. she mentioned earlier that she was sad about leaving family and most of her friends behind in Seattle till the summer. But when she met me at the airport, she didn't greet me, no smile, i had to ask for a hug, no kiss. she didn't feel like talking. and upon asking her, she just said that she was sad about her friends and fam.

But the flip side is that she wasn't even a little happy to see me or come back to our life. I asked her about it and asked why she was so proactive back in Seattle and she said it takes less effort. Does that mean that the positivity or happiness from us doing things together is not worth the effort needed? I'm hurting and not sure what to do.

I worry:

-that one of the reasons we stay together is convenience because over 5 years, one gets very comfortable in the others presence and is not inhibited at all. Its also logistical convenience since we live together and ending our relationship would lead to inconvenience on separating our lives, moving, etc

-I have self esteem issues and think i may be afraid of the possibility that i wont get someone better. But this is because I have limited dating experience since this person is my first and only girlfriend.

Any thoughts or commentary would be appreciated