I barely know where to start this. I started a new job about six months ago at the same time as this girl, and we hit it off famously and started talking about two weeks after getting to know each other and being pretty close work friends.

We had our hiccups through this whole thing as this is the first relationship I’ve ever personally been in and she’s been a lot. And a lottt of them sound like pretty terrible people and treated her, for lack of a better word, like shit. But there’s one she always talks about (who still sounds like he wasn’t great to her, apparently they fought and screamed at each other all the time and he cheated on her several times) who died in a car crash 3 years ago while they were broken up.

She said they would’ve gotten back together as they had an on/off type of thing going on anyway, but ever since then she’s had “a mental breakdown” about once a month or so about it. She says she hadn’t had any of those breakdowns while she was me, and forgot it was his birthday a couple months ago, which I guess was otherwise the worst time of year for her. The way she talks about this guy still though, she’s still in love with him I think. She talks about all these things she’d always do for him that she won’t do for me now, and even went so far as to ask if I’d still want to be with her if she never loved me as much as she loved him. I told her I would, as I really do love this girl, but she has told me before that while she loves me, she’s not *in love with me.

The thing that’s been making me want to throw up all day is that last night we got into a fight, minor really as far as some of them go, we had been drinking and I went to sleep on her couch telling her I didn’t want to fight, that I wouldn’t fight. She informed me that she spent a good portion of the night crying about me, then a admittedly pretty stressful and huge thing going on in her life, and then the ex. I guess she spent the rest of the night crying about him, and posted a picture of them together on her Instagram story.

I guess my question is, is it better for her if I stay with her? If I leave her? Is this unhealthy? Should I be doing anything specific?