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I’m [24F] not sure if I’m being delusional about my 2 year relationship with gf [24F]
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daydreamdrift is looking for a female
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Background: I may have Autism Spectrum Disorder, but so may she. We both have ADHD and I for sure also have PTSD. She is a first year medical student (last year she was in a pre-program to help her get into that Med school) and we were together for about 11 months before she moved across the country to start school. I have plans to meet her there and begin my own journey into medical school.

These past two years I have been madly in love with her, and I know she feels the same way. We do very well together and have a commitment to each other to improve on the 2-3 topics that make us argue: race relations (I’m Hispanic, she’s white, but she’s learning to see what my people and other people of color go through) and politics (I’m dem, she’s republican but centrist) and the other point of contention is one we’ve both forgotten about.

We’ve been physically together for the majority of our relationship, but now only by a slim margin. I’m worried that I’m still honeymooning over her, but we’ve been through some milestones/heavy situations together (like both of graduating university, my issues with smoking, both of us receiving diagnoses and ect). We’ve seen each other through our worst and best moments. I feel that I would do anything to help her have a good life and be comfortable and she feels the same way. It’s just that in the larger scheme of things, we’ve only known and loved each other for two years and I can’t get over that. I’m scared that I’m letting my emotions get ahold of my sight and that I’m not seeing the things that would be good reason to break up or not move in together (in two more years, but I’ll be moving there and getting my own place within months).

At the same time, she’s the only person in this world who understands me and I understand her. She’s the only person who I can spend days with, which seems so rare and I haven’t had that with other relationships. She’s even said that she doesn’t understand why she’s been hesitant to move in together because I’m her only person in the world who she’d want to move in with.

I’m afraid to see all of this as true love and her as the woman I want to marry. I hate the notion that I have no idea if we’re going to be life partners, but I think that’s because I want her to be my life partner so intensely. I don’t dream about a wedding, I dream about kissing her and seeing her off to work and getting matching pairs of scrub caps for work and massaging her back when it hurts. I even welcome the moments when she’ll be pissed at me for doing something stupid and honestly telling her that she was right about it all, or terrible moments like my parents dying and knowing she is my comfort and my love through it all.

We were physically together for two months before her classes started and all of my puppy dog feels were reinforced. I didn’t have a single moment of “oh man, this is a red flag/this relationship is toxic/bad”.

But it’s been two years. Am I crazy? Am I growing excessively fond of her because of the distance? What do other sane neurotypical people do/feel when they’re in this position? Is the problem with me?

TL;DR: I’ve been in an LDR/CR for two years and I might be having a crazy long honeymoon phase that could potentially ruin my life because idk if I’m thinking clearly about it. I also have no idea what neurotypical people think when this is happening or if I’m just going too fast, but it all feels right.

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Profile updated: 4 days ago
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a female
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Posted
6 years ago