I'll try my best to lay things out to give you as accurate of a representation of what is happening/happened, but my memory can be bad..

Around 2 years ago, my friend which we'll call Amir, broke up with his girl friend of ~5 years. They had lived together for around 3 of those. When they first broke up, Amir let Bethany continue living there and he moved in to the spare bedroom. I'm not entirely sure how long that went one, but it will become relevant here in a moment. Maybe 2-3 months? Anyways, sometime in that period Bethany started to date our friend Jordan. Jordan was in the "inner circle" of this friend group. I've known Jordan for 6 years, and he was my roommate twice in college. This caused some issues with Amir, as he was (rightly so) pretty PO'd about this whole fiasco. At this point, things seem fairly simple and straight forward. So let's go through and hit some of the high notes to get to my situation I'm currently in.

My friend Amir and I have had several conversations about what went down, and such. I kept sorta pushing for him to let it go so that we can hang out more easily (a lot of the time we're put in the middle and have to choose which friend to invite). He has always been very adamant that even though he is past what happened, he'll never be "buddy buddy" with them. He's going to one of our friends weddings, and that will be the first time they'll be in the same room since shortly after Bethany and Jordan started dating (he tried to hang out as a group initially).

For the most part, I typically invite Amir to things, seeing as we're much closer these days (he initiates conversation as often/more than I do, we hang out, plan to hang out, check in on each other, etc) in relation to myself and Jordan, who does not make an effort, but will usually do something if invited.

Last year, I was at my family lakehouse, and invited Amir, but not Jordan/Bethany. This year I tried to get it for two weekends for the lakehouse, so Amir and his now fiance could come one weekend, and Bethany and Jordan the other. That fell through, so since I'd invited both already, I left it as-is and simply said there were only those dates and everyone was invited. Jordan/Bethany do not have an issue with this and have said they'll come.

One time when drunk, Bethany confronted me about times where she feels like we leave Jordan out of things in favor of Amir. I acknowledged and gave the reasoning above about Amir being a better friend. Since then, I have tried to make more of an effort in inviting Jordan to things, the lakehouse being one of them. Also found out that Amir was not the best during those few months of the breakup, and had brought girls home even, while he recent ex was in the house. To be fair, I am not sure if this was before or after he found out about her going out with Jordan. Only that it happened. The point here I guess is that neither person is scott free of wrongdoing.

Today, Amir essentially said that he could not be friends with me since I was in the same friend group as Jordan/Bethany. He sees my hanging out with them as condoning what they did, and thus disrespecting him. He gave examples as seeing some other friends of ours make a post with Jordan/Bethany to see a movie, and my snapchat story once that had Bethany/Jordan in it at one of my best friends birthdays. He then started talking about things of mine that he had and when he could get them back to me. This isn't something that he has quickly thought about, blown up on, and will just blow over with. This is something that he truly believes and thinks is the right thing to do.

I've asked him about speaking with a therapist, because while he thinks he is over what happened, I don't think he can be if seeing me and Jordan hanging out on social media makes him think I'm trying to disrespect him or send the wrong signal to Jordan. Jordan and Bethany know I do not approve of what they did. But what I tried to tell him, is that I still talk with both my mom and dad after they are divoced and treated each other like absolute shit for a good many years. And one day I stopped being the middle man between them and told them to figure it out, or whoever wanted to come to my graduation, could, etc. This isn't the same to him.

Phew, that was a lot. I know. I probably missed a lot of critical details, but hopefully it's enough to go on! So what do you think I should do Reddit, tell him he's being unreasonable to make me not be friends with Jordan just to stay friends with him? Because I so rarely see Jordan, I just stop hanging out with him, even though to me this is more about the principal of the matter. Try again to reason with him (and how so)? Orrr?

Excerpts below from things Amir's said to help you get a better idea of his mindset:

"I’ve tried man. I’ve tried to not let it bother me. I’ve tried keeping it separate. It doesn’t work for me. It bums me out major to know I don’t get to do something we’ve done every year for a while because you invited them to it. Then basically just suggested I come and deal with it. It bums me out every time I see you guys hanging out with them. Its just not working for me. Having you guys around keeps them in my life, and I don’t want that"

"However, every time I see where y’all are hanging out (**examples above about movies and bday party**) it makes me feel like somehow it’s my fault I’m not being included. Because you’ve said as much. I just don’t see how that’s cool. I’m just done with it man. You said I needed to find a way to deal with the pain, but the pain is coming from external factors. The only thing I can think to do is remove those factors. I just wanted to talk to you about it so you would understand why I’m done and why I don’t feel like I can continue to be a part of this friend group, in any way.I don’t think I have anything of yours other than the drone, so I can get that to you at Jack's wedding or next time you’re in town."