Okay so a little backstory. Me and my friend, let's call him Jim, have been friends since we met in highschool my freshman year, his sophomore. He is one of my three besties, and we have been each other's close friend for a long time. We live in the same town and he recently came home from college for break. We have always been able to share our girl troubles and desires, etc. We don't get girls often, and I tend to really invest in the people I'm with. I don't love lightly, and when I find someone I dig I don't mess around. He is less critical of who he ends up with, and has had less success than me with girls in general because I am better looking, objectively, no hate in there.

My ex, let's call her Jen, I met my senior year of highschool during an educational function involving multiple schools from the state. We hit it off but the distance killed it eventually. We reconnected this past summer when she got out of a bad relationship. We still very much wanted each other, but recognized that intimacy wasn't what either of us really needed, and we formed a sort of pact to maintain a healthy friendship that would be helpful to both of us while we get our lives in order to a point that we can even consider a life together. This is very hard for me because I am very lonely at this juncture in life, and we were very intimate with one another. She was in a harder place than me and desired someone's touch. I so wanted to give it to her but I wanted what was best for both of us. Sex wouldve ruined our friendship stage.

Fast forward and Im travelling to visit Jim at his college and stay with him in the dorm. I planned the visit so I could spend time with multiple people in the area, including Jen whom was the highlight of the visit. Circumstance had it that we couldnt go off and do our own thing, and we ended up hanging out at the dorm room with the other mates who were fun. We had a good time but we didn't get a chance to be alone and she gets lost in a room full of people and it felt wrong to attempt to garner her attention; we were supposed to be friends, I dont own her. She comes over again the next night to hang out more, same thing again, its fun but I dont get her alone.

I leave and her and Jim start spending time together, which is fine with me because they could both use friends. They hang out two days in a row, she comes back to the dorm to hang with the guys again. Then I get a phone call from Jim, he's basically telling me he likes Jen and that he's going after her. I ask if this is him asking me to which he replies "Do I really need to? Isn't that childish?" despite him expressing a sense of guilt at the thought of not telling me entirely, but frames it as though hes doing me a favor telling me, he WAS just gonna not say anything. I tell him that regardless of whether he thinks its childish to need to ask, I don't want him doing that and that it would really hurt me and fuck up my friendship with both of them. I explain again to him then and there that we are trying to be each other's rocks and get through hard times, and that she is vulnerable and needs friends not players. There was no way in hell they were going to get together, and I thought sex was in the same category. Not 5 days after the phone call and they have sex. Only I don't hear about it for another two months, when he casually mentions while picking me up to hang out that we are now eskimo brothers. I forced him to state plainly and clearly what that meant, it took a little for him to work it out. Cue the saddest excuse for an apology ever, followed by mounds of gaslighting me for being angry, and Jim expressing frustration at my inability to move past it and watch our favorite show together. I felt so patronized, so beaten down and insulted. I felt like crushing his balls with a kick powered by the sun while simultaneously degrading him verbally about every sensitivity of his I could think of. And he sat there, awkwardly trying to 'be happy' while clearly burning in his guilt. I left his house and went home, no nuts were kicked. I remember various times we communicated since the phone call, during which he couldve told me and didn't, and one in particular in which we argued again about how its fucked up to go after someone's ex. Looking back I shouldve realized but basically he was calling me out for talking to his younger brother about the previous phone call and using that as a way to quiet his conscience. That I was guilty of trying to manipulate his brother into joining my side, all of which was bullshit. At that point it had been one or two weeks since they had sex and he was there attempting to make me feel guilty for talking about his snakey moves to his brother, as a means of clearing his mind of the guilt he had. I maintained in this conversation that I am not okay with him going after my ex. He says in text that he is sorry he went after my ex, but that he still thinks its childish to have to ask permission. He tried to make that THE apology, and never tell me what really happened. I could tell he was using my talking to his brother as a distraction from his guilt, but I didnt know the guilt included fucking my ex/current close female friend.

I am not a violent person but boy did I feel like tearing him apart. The shock of such a thought only added to the confused clamor that was my thoughts at that point. But I know I am not wrong in feeling hurt, or in thinking this is a big deal. He put casual sex before my feelings, period end of story. I brought her to him, I introduced them, did all the work he wouldnt do for the myriads of available women on that campus. But no he has to go for the one girl in my life who brought me joy, whom I trusted him with meeting despite her situation and her living literally down the road from him. Despite my telling him in detail my plans with her and how we were contemplating being together in the future.

I talked with her about it and she was much more apologetic. I know her well enough to know that it's been eating at her, which apparently wasnt enough to motivate her to tell me, and when I told her I knew, she definitely felt really terrible. I actually felt compassion and true regret come from her. That was to be expected and I almost felt bad bringing it up knowing it would upset her, how fucked up is that? And Im not stupid, she really is that impressionable. I just feel bad that she didnt have the willpower to resist and now our plans are ruined. Clearly they meant more to me, or in the least I was more invested in them. Now her memory is tainted with images of Jim's flabby body, though through much effort, poorly fucking her. There is nothing I can do but move on from her.

My dilemma now is that I don't know what do to next. They both ended their relationships with me when they did the act. But why do I have to go and be an executioner that brings down the axe. It's so frustrating that he can sit there and try to be friends after that. Like I can tell it's very important to him that he is forgiven, which is partially why he keeps trying to diminish what he did. He isn't mature enough to act on his moral instincts. He knew what he was doing was wrong every step of the way, but the best he could manage was an insulting phone call, and an egregious apology after doing exactly what I told him not to do. He is still a child in that sense and I feel I can never look him in the face again, certainly never trust him again, so really there is no friendship there anymore. What bothers me is that he will invent some bullshit spin on whatever I say to him in order to save himself from guilt and put it all on me. I'm crazy for deciding to end the friendship, I'm being dramatic. Any reasons for wanting to end the friendship must stem solely from my own feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. These are the lines of logic he will spin and the sound of them will make me see red. I know that I can't stop people from perceiving my words any way they please and lying to themselves to their hearts content. But I want to leave him with something he can't deny, and let it eat away at him until he is forced to recognize and acknowledge his moral infractions. I don't know if I should even say anything, I don't want to give him anything to try and spin, perhaps best to say nothing and let him figure it out, as if there is anything puzzling about it.

I am so lost and hurt by all this. I just need advice from people who may have gone though this, what they feel years later. I dont want to make any wrong moves here but at the same time I feel so disregarded by them its hard to have any mercy for them, or motivation to maintain my moral integrity. I want retribution, I want revenge. Most of all I just wish it didn't happen and we could all be friends again. But thats gone now.