I I've posted a little bit about my relationship already, I guess you can read that in my other posts but it's been about a week now and I am in a terrible place. I miss him so much. I realize now that he wasn't a good guy. My post about his penis tasting bad blew up big time, I honestly was just looking for advise on ways to make a penis taste better so I could continue going down on him. But now I realize how bad and one sided my relationship really was.

The story is that we meet at a local park. He was walking his dog and I stopped to pet it and say hi. We started talking and had some things in common, I mentioned that I didn't have a ride to school and he said that he would be happy to pick me up in the mornings and afternoons. After a couple of days of this he asked me to be his gf. So, I guess we started to be bf/gf. He gave me rides bought me cloths it was super nice.

The sex started one day after school on the way home. He was telling me about a hard day that he was having at work and how his ex gf was calling him, he stared to tell me about her and how they would "do stuff" together. I am not stupid so I know all about sex but I was young and hadn't done anything with guys. He told me that guys needed girls to relax them after a hard day at work. So I reluctantly started sucking his dick. A few min later I swallowed his juice right before we got to my house. He came in to my house as he had done before but this time we fooled round more than just kissing. He made me suck him off again. After that day It was like the guy was on drugs, from this point forward every time I saw him he would make me get him off. He told me it was my job and that I needed to do it if I wanted to be his gf. I was super dumb at this point for staying around. I know, no one needs to say it.

After weeks of this we started to do more stuff but mostly with my mouth. I'd lick his butt hole and he would "face fuck" me over the side of my bed. We'd kiss a lot and sometimes make out for hours. I honestly liked it a lot. It was all a lot of fun. I didn't want to lose being a virgin so he stayed away from my vagina, but we did start to have butt sex together.

Again people no judgement here I know I was being used.

The first couple of times we did it in my butt were terrible, it hurt a lot but it got better and we continued like that for many many months. I'd suck him off 3 or so times a day and he would hang out at my house and we'd fool around until right before my parents got home he'd leave I'd clean up and we'd start again in the morning. On days I didn't have school he'd pamper me by face fucking and doing anal. It was a lot of fun.

We recently broke up cause I honestly got tired of sucking him off all the time. His penis tasted bad and I started to think my relationship was really one sided. My friends liked him but their bf weren't so sexual and went places with them and stuff. We never went anywhere just my house and we would talk, but got naked every time we saw each other. It got harder to get him off too, sometimes he would take 30 min to get off especially later in the day. When I stood up for myself he would tell me it was my job as his gf and if I wanted to keep being with him I needed to do it

I know I was being abused, I still haven't told my parents about the whole thing and probably won't. But my best girlfriends know and even though they liked him before they don't anymore. He and I broke up but I saw him last night and fell into my old routine. When we were done I just felt dirty and used up. The problem is I woke up this morning still smelling like him and hoping and wishing for more and to see him today.

How do i get over this?

tl:dr I have an abusive ex bf that just used me for sex. I saw him last night pleasured him again and now feel dirty and used but want more of it. The heart says yes but my brain is telling me no.