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Me [32/m] Need advice about my divorcee GF(?)[30/f] and how to handle her past.
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Hello Reddit. First off, my GF(?) is an absolutely fantastic person who stole my heart right off the bat. The closest thing to love at first sight I've experienced. We've been seeing each other almost every single day since July and have known each other since March. We have essentially been a family since July with her two little ones. We've never been physical. It was always "When I'm ready." When I mean physical I meant a deep hug at the end of the night was it. Finally, I lit into her how it's been bugging me that I can't even her to hold my hand or a kiss. That was a couple weeks ago and I revisited the subject Saturday night.

She explained that it all stemmed from her ex husband(they've been divorced for 3 years) and while I knew he was physically and mentally abusive to her I've been the exact opposite. She went into how she feels like a different person and that she was going to start talking to her pastor for therapy on the issue. It really opened my eyes the details that she went into and I finally understood. I've been a great father figure to her kids since theirs is a sperm donor and has never been involved. He's only met his 4 year old once, and that was when she was a month old. She loved the fact that I took pride in her kids and loved them like they were my blood.

Then Sunday, it all changed. I sent her my daily good morning text message and explained that I finally understood everything and would support her unconditionally while she went back to finding herself. Later in the day she told me she had her plan figured out and when I asked where I fit in she said "I don't know," then the infamous "I need some space." Then it was that she felt smothered by me. Now, get this straight...I work less than 2 miles from where she lives and I was always invited to come by after work. It was a complete 180 turn and run. Tonight she took me off Facebook and said "it's just facebook."

I understand that she needs to find herself again and that she may need some space to do that and I've told her that. But I can't understand what may have triggered all this and she won't give me a straight answer.

Maybe someone who has been through something like this can give me some help on this one. I read people for a living(law enforcement) and I'm way too close on this to get a outside perspective. Thank you.

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Posted
7 years ago