I love my partner of about three years. I know he loves me too. There are so many day to day actions he does that I know aren’t necessarily easy or come naturally for him and vice versa. We work on our communication styles because they are dramatically different but we both try because there are so many other levels we deeply understand each other on that I have never experienced before, despite having been married. The longer we’re together and still getting to know so many things about each other I really just love him more and more every day even with all his idiosyncrasies (and he deals with mine).

We met when we were both in very chaotic modes. I mean we met on Reddit for fuck’s sake and I haven’t been able to ever stop seeing him since then and what was a hook-up has become a long-term relationship with us living together. Our sex life is fucking amazing and honestly it gets better and better, another thing that’s never happened to me. It’s wonderful and I’m so happy and I’m happy every day I get home and he’s there.

Here’s the “but”. But I sometimes get super insecure because of these reasons (and what I tell myself to excuse it).

1) He never verbalizes his attraction to me, either in bed or not and it’s starting to get to me. I tell myself it’s because he’s shy. He has trouble hearing compliments like that from me. He gets really embarrassed when I say things too and so then I tell myself it’s just because he’s shy and it’s hard for him to say things like that himself.

2) He’s not currently working (this is fine, we have an arrangement that works out well for both of us). It’s beneficial for both of us. But I think he spends a lottttttttt of time talking to women online (tik tok, reddit, snap, whatever. I don’t really know because I don’t look at his phone. But I know him.) At first I was like “fine he has people to talk to and whatever” but I think now it’s so many. And I’m pretty sure he like jerks off with them over the phone while I’m at work and it’s starting to drive me crazy.

3) Like I said sex is phenomenal. It was amazing from day one and now it’s never been better. I love it. He loves it. We fit really well together. And we’ve both been with a lot of people so this isn’t a case of neither of us not knowing what phenomenal sex is (and how bizarrely weird it can be with some people). But he rarely comes with me and that is another thing that makes me feel shitty. Men used to be like “holy shit I didn’t know I could come three times in a night” so I’ve never had this experience before and I’m really questioning his attraction to me and if he’s actually just thinking about all the hot women he interacts with daily. Also, obviously, if he’s jerking off with them every day of course he’s not coming with me. Which makes me sad because he knows how much I love when he does with me. Then I’m like “oh it’s just his body” but of course since he has a dick doctors are out of the question (j/k to all the men who take their health seriously and go to the doctor).

I haven’t brought this up because it’s all wrapped together and I don’t know how to say these things to him. He’s super sensitive but so am I and it’s starting to really make me question how much he actually cares about me and if he’s just using me and he thinks I’m an idiot who doesn’t know that he’s probably (but I have no proof) jerking off with women over video for hours when I’m not home.

Obviously communication is key here. Obviously I need to talk to him about this. I absolutely can’t come up with some words that will really get this conversation between us going in a loving and nonjudgemental way that will help make this a productive starting point at least.

Does anyone have any advice on how to start this conversation? And any advice on what to do or say or what NOT to do or say? Thanks!

(TL;DR - not sure how to communicate with my partner about what I think is his lack of attraction to me).