Me and my gf have been together for 3 years. I was recently traumatized and wanted someone who was just quiet and calm. We liked the same things and went to a lot of concerts but she barely talked and we didn't have much chemistry

I realized early on she never initated sex or even touched me on her own like kisses or hugs. I asked her to please try but every time she said she had trauma around it, and I needed to just stop bringing it up.

So that went on for 2 years and I became less and less attracted to her. She would pull away from my touch most of the time.

She used to binge drink and the sloppiness turned me off along with her lack of touch and refusing to work on it. We also have other issues like I pay for 100% of the relationship costs because she never has spending money, is stuck in a dead end job and can't drive

Eventually I pretty much stopped initiating sex and she started wondering what was wrong. My mental health had gone down the tubes and I became super resentful towards her

In August 2024 I tried to break up but she had a screaming meltdown and said she would kill herself if I left. I wasn't prepared to deal with that so I stayed

Now she finally worked on all the things I asked her to. She lets me touch her and have sex with her. She tries to flirt, sorta. She stopped binge drinking. She's going to therapy. But I just don't care anymore. I feel trapped by her suicide threat and not really attracted despite her beauty

The thing is she's freaking sweet outside of that. She doesn't touch me often or say I love you first, but she does a million other things

She's always cooking me dinners, baking cookies, bringing me little gifts, hiding love notes, listening to and supporting my band. Telling me how much she misses me. Wanting to live together. She models her diet and grocery list after mine and has a whole wall with all our pictures / memories on it.

She's not career driven, but would make a good home wife outside of the affection issues. We do have a lot of laughs together and have formed a strange but unique bond. But at the core things always feel a little off and I've been thinking of breaking up for years now

How can I tell if I should just buckle down and try and love her despite her flaws and all we've been through, or if we've reached that point of no return?

I don't want to drag this on longer but I'm starting to fear for both of our lives and mental health

TL;DR

GF is great in a lot of ways but wouldn't touch me for 2 years and threatened suicide if I tried to leave. Doing better now but idk if I can get feelings back