My fiance and I have been dating almost 9yrs now. A year after we had our oldest daughter (roughly 5yrs into our relationship) he told me that he'd have been much better off with the girl he was talking to at the same time when we first started dating. That he'd be way better off financially if he dated her instead of me.

I caught him cheating on me a year later. He was talking to multiple girls, saving pictures of girls and even paying girls for private personal photos and videos. I caught him one night when I went to put is phone on charge and saw a request on c@shapp from a girl. He was also subscribing to multiple girls only fans.

I confronted him that night and he promised to delete his only fans account and to block the girls he was talking to. Things seemed to be better after.

Soon after this my birth control failed and I got pregnant with our youngest. I found out early last year that he'd been subscribing to multiple girls only fans again and was talking a lot to one specific girl going into detail on what he'd do if she was in the same room as him. He was complimenting her looks, saying her green hair looked great and sexy. The entirety of our relationship up until that point he'd been trying to get me to dye my hair back to my natural hair color because he didn't like colored hair.

We talked about him continuing to be on only fans after I set the boundary that that was cheating in my opinion. He profusely apologized and allowed me to delete all of his accounts on only fans. From my knowledge he hasn't paid for personal photos/videos since.

Last night I made the comment that a woman I saw was attractive. I'm pansexual and he's known this since we first started dating. He told me that that was disrespectful to him, that me saying another woman is attractive is disrespectful to do when I'm in a committed relationship with someone. I brought up that it was disrespectful for him to cheat on me twice. He looked at me and told me that the reason he did it was because I wasn't affectionate with him as much as he wanted and he just needed affection.

Some of those messages he sent was when I was literally sitting in the hospital recovering from an emergency c section. He sent those messages just days after I had our second child.

Last night he also told me that I can't possibly love him because he broke the trust. That to love means to trust. I told him that I trust that he hasn't cheated since but that I'm still deeply hurt by it. He just went 'well, I said I was sorry'

He also made the comment that he was going to eventually get fed up and leave because I don't make eye contact. I'm autistic. He knows this. I told him that I expect to be able to be my full authentic self with my life partner. That I don't want to have to mask around the love of my life. Me making eye contact is me masking. I told him that it can be physically painful to make eye contact with someone. He just told me 'love is painful. And maybe you should mask so I know you love me'

After this he stormed off and went to our room for the night. There is tension between us now.

I try to be affectionate with him. I compliment his appearance and everything all the time. I kiss him even though it's a sensory overload. I hold his hand. I hug him. I get him gifts any chance I get. My love language is gift giving. He knows that. His is physical touch. I don't like touching others but I do it for him because I know that makes him happy.

Is there any way we can save our relationship? I truly do love him. I don't want to lose him and it's not even only because we have kids together. I want to work this out.