So been with this girl lil over two months had to go long distance for a lil over a month for something. Which I know isn’t easy but with commitment and love it can happen. I literally called everyday talked for hours and hours when and all times i could. Now that im where i am now im severely depressed.. and it’s because the environment i have to live in is very less than adequate and can be harmful… my depression has been in overdrive. And I came here cause its the only place I had to go, because we were gonna move in together but then she said she had to let her cousin stay cause she got kicked out which is true. But also she’s been doing drugs. And I know this I’ve been Keiran support, any kind of support I can be I was it. And I’ve looked back on all the calls I’ve had and I can’t recall once I heard he say “I’m here for you bb you got this and we can do this” you know, I’m seeing i. Was putting in more effort. But she’s never seen me this depressed hell I haven’t been this depressed in years man, so my brain is doing all it can to not abandon ship and I’m tryna explain it to her but she says she’s listening but I don’t think she hears me and this is why. She’s been dead set on giving me a drug test because she thinks my behavior is different since I got here and I’m “up to something”. I told her I feel like a battered woman who’s had to go home to her abuser… and I did this because she said she needed more time and I was gonna do anything I had to to give it to her. Then later she tells me the real reason was she didn’t want me to see her strung out, meanwhile while she’s FaceTiming m edges smoking meth… now I don’t charge what she does I mean I do but I don’t. I’m nit gonna co sign her shit or anything. But I’m pouring my heart out and all she has to say is “piss in this cup”. Nvm the guy you say you wanna be with is having a hard time rn and contemplates eating a bullet but let’s just take a drug test to satisfy some gratification for you so that way you’re not the bad guy. I don’t have an issue doing it even though times are tough, my only issue is she doesn’t have enough respect for me to trust me like I did her when she was out getting drunk sf for two weeks straight and I ain’t hear hardly shit from her but I chalked it up to her depression.. idk I think she just thinks depression is being sad eating ice cream in bed all day, I tried to explain it’s dif for everyone …. Doesn’t seem to hear me or try to. This is the second time I’ve had ti help calm her down and literally talk til my throat is dry to just drive it in I wanna love her and only her. But I’m like what’re you gonna do when I give you this test and it comes back with that I was telling you? You expect me to just be ok with that? With how that made me feel or I let it make me feel, not being heard and or having to do it again? Like I understand some humans suck but but all guys are.. sorry for the rant. Just spit going on, tryna find a new place to live since she clearly doesn’t speak her kind or waits til the last secon, have a toxic home environment here, and depression in the deepest territory it’s ever been in in years. Meanwhile the one person I wanna be with thinking I’m running around on em…shit hurts idk what ima do but I think I do . Like I’m tryna be patient and all that but I can’t take it with everything else I got. I told her you’re either here with me or you ain’t. I can’t tell if she’s the kind that just likes drama cause that’s what she’s used to or the damage from the past but I’m trying hard here. Just feel like I’m the only one trying..