TW!!!! Mentions of sexual abuse/rape.

I recently was vulnerable and shared a very traumatic experience from when I was younger. I was raped by my cousins boyfriend when I was 12. He groomed me from age 9, my mom’s side of the family did not believe me and it caused a lot of resentment and trust issues. I’ve sought therapy over the years and I’m healed from it, mostly.

My girlfriend used this against me and made insinuations on how that experience is why I am a nervous and anxious individual, in her words “a vibekiller”. No shit, because no one else wouldn’t have lasting trauma from that?

She also made a joke about getting a finger stuck up my ass and insinuated that I must’ve liked it. Obviously, I am not okay with any of this and it has caused a huge rift to form between us. To her credit, she has apologized and does seem sorry. Although, she was extremely defensive, so it doesn’t entirely sit right with me.

The thing is, this is not the first time that something similar has happened to me. A previous ex told me that because of that experience I was less of a man. I don’t even know what to think of any of this anymore.

What can I do to help protect myself from these sorts of comments, and how can I deal with being asked about it by future partners? I feel that this is a topic that I’ve discussed openly at the request of my partners, although I’ve never shared explicit details other than a very generic description. I am beginning to feel more and more jaded. My partner will always say that they are there to support me emotionally but this is pretty much the treatment I’ve experienced so far in 3 of the serious relationships I’ve had over the years. I think I’m reaching a point where I no longer want to be vulnerable with my current or any future potential partners because of this.