I’ve (20F) been talking to this guy (22M) for over a year. He’s even my schoolmate. We were clear that there will be no other people involved. We were pretty much exclusive. The usual flirting, eating together, kind of stuff. He constantly assured me that he isn’t talking to other girls, and if he is, it’s just for school-related things. He’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he was gentle in the way he spoke to me and he was the first guy in years that I bothered talking to, so I gave him a chance and got attached. Biggest mistake of my life.

This August, I saw this girl in his recent chats and had my doubts about her. I asked him who she was and he told me she was just a friend. Business partner of a relative, apparently. In hindsight, I feel stupid for buying that excuse because that guy wouldn’t bother talking to a girl he isn’t attracted to. After all, we started talking, because of him approaching me, right? I got jealous because why was he talking to another girl on Instagram? He assured me that she was just a friend. (Fuck, never believe a man when he calls a girl a “frenny”. A straight man wouldn’t call a girl a “frenny”. He’s obviously at least slightly attracted to her.) Even told me that, of course, I was cuter than her.

This September, I found out on social media that he was dating the girl I was worried about while we were still talking. I found out about it because of a freaking TikTok video that the girl posted. He had his back turned to the camera while the girl was looking at him. I had a feeling that it was him because of the hair. But my heart was conflicted. We were still good, weren’t we? I wanted to trust him. My heart wanted so badly for it to be someone else who just looked like him from behind even though the resemblance was too much. But my gut instinct was proven correct when I saw him in the comment section of another TikTok of hers. A fucking 😩 emoji was what finally brought me to my senses.

I confronted him about the other girl. Got into hysterics. But he didn’t even bother answering my call or telling me about it in person. He just told me that “shit happens” because they just suddenly got together, that they’ve only known each other for a month, that he didn’t even court the girl. (Another lie, of course. How the fuck do you suddenly get into a relationship?) He told me that he didn’t have the guts to admit it to me at the time, that they’ve only been official for the past five days, He assured me that for the entire year we were talking, I was the only girl he was talking to. But how could I believe that now that I know about her?

He told me to curse at him. So I did. I called him numerous names until I eventually grew tired of arguing. He told me that he hopes one day I would appreciate the fact that he never tried to touch me or be inappropriate with me, that he still tried to take care of me by not taking my virginity. I couldn’t care less about it because all I wanted was for him not to talk to another girl and yet he still did it behind my back. He apologized. Said sorry countless times. Said sorry even on Microsoft Teams. I deeply want to forgive him because it’s so heavy to have to carry the burden of hating him but it still hasn’t taken the anger away because I just want to know why he had to do that to me. He told me that I was enough (in some twisted way of saying that it wasn’t me, it was him), that it was his fault, and that he hopes one day I would be able to forgive him.

He left me in pain. I cried and I cried and I cried. I couldn’t eat properly for days because of what I found out. The guilt was eating at me too, because I didn’t want to be the other girl, but he kept talking to me for those five whole days that they were already together and had no plans of telling me about her. No woman deserves to find out that there is another girl in the picture. I found out about it on TikTok, like I didn’t even deserve a proper explanation. Like I didn’t even deserve to not be lied to. All I wanted was honesty. All I wanted was for him to come clean and tell me that there was another girl in the picture. I would have accepted it and moved on. Maybe even wished him well.

I just want to move on. My heart hurts. I really cared for that guy. He was the first guy I’ve talked to in over four years, after all. I just wanted to trust him and he broke my heart in ways that it has never been broken before.