I (F23) have been dating my boyfriend (M22) for over two years. Some background information, he is really into basketball. I'm talking knowing all the rules, rankings, players, stats, watching the NBA, WNBA, college basketball etc. He also has a habit of watching YouTube videos or TV when we're doing something. While cooking, cleaning, studying, relaxing, driving, etc. It helps stimulate him because he has ADHD.

Yesterday we went out to dinner with some of my friends. When we sat down, he wanted to pull up the college basketball game and watch it during dinner. I was a bit iffy because we're at dinner and this is supposed to be a time to socialize with friends. He still pulled it up, and he did socialize but he wasn't fully in that moment if that makes sense. After the dinner, it was planned we would go to our campus and have a game night with friends, however, since it's the last day of finals, they were closing up and locking up campus that night, so we had a limit of how long we could be there (12am). We got to campus at 9:35. During the ride there he was watching the basketball game, the walk into the building he was watching the basketball game, etc. the rest of our friends arrive 15 minutes later. Then they start watching the game. I get it, you know it could be exciting and I like watching sports too but that night was a designated game night to do something. I got miffed because with the time frame we have, we don't have much time, and it takes a good amount of effort to coordinate something with 10 people. Setting up, explaining rules, all that. I was asking if we could start, and that's when he was saying they could watch out the game and it would take just 5 minutes. It did not take 5 minutes. It took around 20 minutes for us to get started.

At that point I was just heavily annoyed because it was supposed to be more of a game night than watch party. He told them it was also going to be a watch party. But with the time we had, it wasn't a lot to work with. I withdraw in a sense where I'm conserving my energy, I don't yell, I just keep to myself. He notices something is wrong, and we leave the area to talk about what's going on.

I communicate the above, and it spills out that I feel like he watches more YouTube/TV than actually communicates with me, and sports games have usually taken so much priority over other things. He asked me why was I bringing it up then, and how I didn't communicate it. I did the I-cant-believe-you-dont-see-it laugh. I've communicated how I want more barber shop conversations, I like talking to him about things etc, and how I notice it's a lot more easier for him to send me reels or watch videos next to each other but not actually talk to me. He cried, he started crying and my heart broke. I was frustrated but I didn't want to hurt him. He's a really kind, and loving man, I truly don't deserve him and I let my frustration hurt him. He cried because he thought everything was okay but he then felt like I was holding something back for the last two years, he said I should have been blunt about this to him. He also felt really sad because I made it sound like I don't like basketball, or that I despise it. I had to point out, alot of the outings we do is for basketball, we watch basketball on TV and there are different levels of excitement for being in person vs watching it on TV. I love the energy of a stadium during a close game, but I'm not all the time into watching games on the tv or runaway games. A lot of our days are planned around watching games, other things get rushed through.

We both apologize to each other and spoke about how to make everything better. I have to extremely blunt because hints don't work, and he has to remember that yes while it is great to be physically in each other's company, it's also great to be mentally present there too instead of somewhere else. I also explained I love in person games but my energy might not match his for games we watch on the tv or runaway games. He said we're good but I feel like I screwed up.

Please let me know if you need more info. I feel like I broke him, and I don't know what to do. How do I reassure him that I love him, and work on our relationship so it gets better. I feel so much guilt.