My parents jointly decided when they had me that one of them should stay at home with their child. During the first few years, my mom took charge while my dad provided. She started her own business the same year I was born, and by the time I went to school it was enough to support the three of us. They decided that my dad would be the one to take charge more since my mom was more ambitious and more capable of providing at the time and they wanted to have a caretaker always available for me.

I mention this context because I’m 24 now, and my dad is still unemployed. We could use the money but the issue is more so that he doesn't have something to occupy his time: - he had hobbies like art and gaming when I was younger, both of which we dabbled into when I was under 13. But it isn't something he's shown much actionable interest in over time, at least not own his own volition - he and my mom have friends (together and individually) but they were never the type to see them frequently. My dad stays in touch with his friends through Facebook and his family calls every week. But they don't see each other in person or have any regular activities. This has been the case since I can remember but it's only gotten worse now that we moved countries.

Before confronting him, my mom and I had discussed it for months. We were noticing him space out (not being able to hear us and being in his own little world with his phone), not being able to hear us or basically forgetting conversations we had. My mom and I are also on our phones a lot so, at first, we didn't really want to confront him. Instead, we modeled behavior of not having our heads in our phones at meal times and instead watching things together or talking. He would join in but over time stuck with his phone.

Next, along side that, we tried offering him different options. I gave him my laptop which can run some games and even told him we could play together if he wanted to. He seemed excited but he hasn't been using it for much. I offered to get him books but he thinks they're a waste of space and paper, to which I offered ebooks but he said they hurt his eyes. I've offered to go on walks with him, which he does like but I cannot sustainably do regularly since I work, have my own hobbies, and a chronic illness that makes everyday existence difficult as it is.

Next, we tried doing a family cooperative challenge of learning a new language (the language spoken where we moved to). My mom was at a higher level but initiated it so we could all learn things and practice together. My mom and I were very hyped, tried to be encouraging of each other and him. But he got mad and felt pressured. We apologized and asked him what he wanted us to do differently and how we can help. He said he would do it on his own terms and in his own ways because any level of engagement with him about it was pressuring. He hasn't been doing those lessons, or anything evident. I haven't asked because of the boundary he set.

We eventually gently confronted him about it. More focused on our worries, specifically with his memory as Alzheimer's runs in his side of the family and it scares me to think of him like my grandpa (who was very mentally and physically active until he got sick, much more active than my dad has been in decades but I didn't emphasize that to him). We also worried about his mental health, since he doesn't have something for himself as everything is a family activity. We made sure he knew that we appreciated everything he does around the house and it wasn't a criticism of that. But in the end got defensive and angry and threw a small tantrum about how he doesn't have anything to himself, doesn't want to be here, and is depressed.

I’m back to square one of trying to spend time with him. Other than walking, he doesn't really want to do much and is glued to his phone. I tried to watch with him but he seemed uncomfortable sharing and, truthfully, I never liked TikTok and I actively avoid doom scrolling through Instagram.

We talk a lot, as we still live together. I ask him to tell me stories from the past, partly cause I enjoy it but partly to practice his long term memory. Other than that, though, I’m lost.