I recently moved to another country for my studies, and it hit my relationship really badly. While i was adjusting to a completely new life in a new country, my boyfriend felt lonely and demanded more time from me. I used to get frustrated that he's asking for so much time from me but i could never give it to him, i always had an excuse ready, but it was never a lie. If i told him i was busy cooking, i was actually busy cooking. It seemed like he really wanted to understand my situation, but somehow our phone calls always turned into a bad fight.

Giving my boyfriend more time and affirmations of love has been a bit difficult for me in the past few years because i have turned into an avoidant attachment person after some unfortunate events that happened with me. I am usually more into my shell, share my emotions less, try to avoid difficult feelings and just like to be on my own. While i am working on this, my bf ends up getting extremely hurt because of my behavior because i am just not responsive to his emotions as much as i should be. I am very less empathetic, sometimes also got irritated that he was always complaining about me not giving him time... I don't know what came into me. When i came to this country, i just wanted to enjoy my life and it seemed like my relationship wasn't allowing me to do so at all. I was so frustrated, that i had worked sooooo hard for this university and this country, but now i didn't wanna cry all day.

Usually all this doesn't happen when we're together in person. I am extremely good in expressing my love in acts of physical touches. A hug, caressing of hands and arms, a kiss every now and then, etc. etc. I will shower him with my love physically when I'm with him. But in long distance, it has become extremely extremely difficult for me because i feel like we don't have fun conversations / activities with him at all! It has only been fights fights fights all the time.

When our relationship hit an extremely rough patch and we were fighting everyday for 2 weeks, my classmate from bachelor's (who i never spoke to) texted me randomly regarding some guidance on university applications because he was planning on the same. We started talking and it was so interesting to talk to him that i somehow found time for him. I used to stay awake for so many hours at night just to talk because it was always so refreshing.

My boyfriend and I broke up after 3 weeks of me entering this new country, and this classmate of mine and I have been speaking continuously since then. I don't have feelings for him or anything, but only feeling guilty to find time for him, and not my boyfriend.

While my bf and i are still contemplating if we should completely end our relationship or get back and try to work things again, I am not sure if things will ever be the same when i tell him the truth. Will he understand that i spoke to my classmate only because of interesting and engaging conversations that just held my attention a lot more?

I am feeling extremely extremely guilty for this. I hate myself and cannot seem to forgive myself. Please give some advice. Was i bitch for this?

I really don't wanna let him go. I started questioning if i love him or not, but i really do. I have always envisioned my future with him. It's extremely disappointing how this has been unfolding. I am feeling so, so, regretful and guilty. :(