Since the beginning of the relationship, which started in high school, we have just been through it. It started with her lying about going to the hospital, faking a pregnancy and miscarriage, and having her friends text me off random numbers from messaging apps saying crazy stuff about kidnapping her just to see what I would say. I stayed. Then there was the cheating when I went to basic training from the army where she lied about being raped almost causing me to beat the shit out of a someone for it. Then the cheating continued basically the entire time from both of us for the last 10 years. We now have 4 kids together, and the last three years I’ve been trying really hard to get over all the damage that has been done this entire relationship and it has turned me into a hateful, spiteful, angry person. I love her I’m just not in love with her anymore. I think I emotionally checked out three years ago when she cheated on me multiple times back to back to back. I haven’t been able to get over it. And idk if I ever will. But we have 4 kids together the youngest of which is 4 months old. Idk what to do anymore or if I should keep playing at this game with her for the kids sake. But im not happy. Not even the slightest. Most days I find it hard to even come home. But leaving and not being able to see my kids daily would kill me inside. But staying here with her is also killing me inside. I can no longer see her as the beautiful girl I once knew and just see all the bad shit she does and did do. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be in love with her again. But I feel like a failure for giving up :/ any advice?