Hello. I (52M) am curious to hear others’ experiences. Do you find that getting along too well (in a cute lovey-dovey, laughing all the time way) takes away from the raw animalistic sex appeal with your partner? Also, I’m also curious to know if there’s a correlation with women who are more submissive sexually.

Why I ask...

Since I started dating two years ago, I’ve realized that I’m able to be both types of men to different types of women. I’ve had some FWBs who don’t care about me at all on an emotional/intellectual level and just love to be dominated. I’m a big, strong man and love to play the dominant role in bed. However, when things get nice with some women and they see me as the perfect, sweet, charming boyfriend, I feel like they lose their interest in me sexually. It sucks.

This just happened to me recently with a woman (48F) I was dating. It took me a while to realize she likes it rough (she gave no signs). We had a few ok sessions of sex together, but I realized later that I’d been way too nice with her, both in bed and during our dates. I eventually broke up with her due to our lack of sexual chemistry. And whenever she’d talk about all the things she loved about me, it was always how we laughed, had fun, took walks, etc. It was never anything sexual.

This bothered me a lot, because I realized that the kind of man she’s horny for is actually me, but it’s the me she never had a chance to know. Because I was only showing her the sweet, charming me.

Over these past two years of dating, I’ve met many women (more than a hundred) and had lots of sexual partners (40), and I have yet to play the dual role with any woman. Each situation has been about raw sex OR nice dates (with occasional vanilla sex) -- never both.

I’m curious to hear from women… Do you see your male partners as both a sweet, caring darling as well as a sexy wild animal? Or have you needed different types of men to satisfy your different needs?

And men, have you experienced this dichotomy? If so, how did you deal with it?