My best friend (33f), let’s call her Jess, got dumped by her ex-bf (29m) a few months ago. We’ll call him Ryan. This isn’t the first time they’ve broken up. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s been at least 10 times in the last 3-4 years that Ryan has broken up with Jess. They always end up back together. This is the longest stint of being apart so far.

Typically, the breakups go like this…Ryan breaks up with Jess for a completely arbitrary reason, like she put makeup on before they were going out and he blows up on her about it for no reason. Jess will then bombard him with texts, calls, and go as far as stalking his place until he agrees to date her again. It’s really hard to watch honestly.

This latest time seemed different. Jess had this anger towards Ryan and was saying all the right things. She was saying things that our friend group has been trying to get through to her for over 2 years now. A little bit more backstory. Ryan is a total gaslighter and verbally abusive towards Jess. Early on, Jess was seeing a therapist and after her first session, the therapist gave her materials on gaslighting. Ryan is one of those always has to be right kinda guys. Can never do any wrong, etc.

Unfortunately, Jess relapsed recently and started saying how much she loves him and that he’s the only person for her. Keep in mind, and I’m not trying to be rude here, but Ryan doesn’t have much going for him. He’s not particularly attractive, doesn’t really have a great job or anything else of value to offer the relationship.

Another important thing to note, Jess divorced her husband a few years ago to be with Ryan. She met Ryan at work and left the husband and young child they had together to pursue Ryan. Part of me thinks that because she gave so much up to be with him that she’ll try and make it work no matter what.

Idk, it’s just really hard to listen to her go on and on about an abusive person and how he’s perfect. She’s also willingly giving up things that are so important to her like having another child, getting married, buying a house and creating a new family together with someone. Ryan has led her on with the thoughts of proposals and children but never acts on those words.

The other last little thing is that Jess is such a beautiful person, inside and out. So hard to watch all this. Any advice would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long rant.