I 34M have been dating a girl 31F for around 3 months. Things were going really well except when we would clash and argue. These arguments would begin over petty things - for example, her complaining that I spilled some paint while decorating, then quickly escalate.

We've had two fairly significant arguments recently. On both occasions she became quite angry and began swearing and wouldn't allow me to speak. On the first occasion she was complaining while we were doing DIY. She made some remarks about paint I'd spilled onto her wood flooring.

I said something like "If you're going to just complain then I don't want to continue doing this". My concern was it would escalate into an argument because she clearly wasn't in a very good mood. Once I'd left the room thing escalated quickly, she accused me of leaving her to do it alone and "pulling the rug" on her.

As things escalated I tried to remain calm while she was becoming quite heated. She said that my calmness was annoying her and questioned why I was being so monotone and condascending.

I ended up laughing at the pure absurdity of the situation / argument. That was when she threw something down at the ground and then kicked her boots across the floor in a rage. She later claimed that her reaction was because she thought I was laughing "at her", which was not the case.

I had never seen her behave like that and I felt scared. It sounds silly because she's a relatively small girl and I'm a big guy but the rage was so unlike the sweet innocence she projects most of the time. After seeing her reaction shouting / swearing / throwing / kicking things I began packing my things

As I left to walk out she was shouting "go on get out" and claimed I was abandoning her.

She sent me the following messages after I left: -

"I thought you loved me"
"But you don't care about how I feel"
"You say you're reliable"
"But you pull the rug from under my feet whenever you feel"

I replied "You've scared me. You have an anger issue".

She said

"You've scared me."
"I've never hit anyone."
"I would never hit you."
"You were so uncaring."
"Think about what causes anger"
"How dare you point out my emotions but not take responsibility for your actions"

She then sent me a copy and pasted passage (from Google) about narcissism.

She added via WhatsApp

"Your passive aggression and indifference and poker face was scary"
"I think we should break up"
"You're acting like a narcissist. Uncaring and then in and then out"
"I don't want this stress in my life"
"I can look after myself"
"Saying I'm crazy and have anger issues because you just decided to pull the rug and l felt alone"

On the second occasion threw a makeup bag down at the floor in my direction following an argument in the car. On both occasions I remained calm and told her to stop shouting and swearing, she'd say she wasn't shouting and it's just her voice she can't help the way she sounds when she's upset.

Admittedly, I did on both occasions call her crazy. I called her crazy following the swearing / shouting / throwing and quite honestly, I said some things that weren't very nice.

Following this second incident again I decided to leave and we broke communication. We have spoken since and I do feel as though I love her and when things are good they're great but she just switches so quickly when she's angry.

I know she's got some abandonment issues from childhood (her Mother was an asshole, nothing was ever good enough, basically abandoned her). I also know I'm not perfect and don't handle conflict well, I do stonewall (her words) and walk away / say I'm leaving etc rather than staying to address the situation.

I've now booked myself in to see a therapist and have my first session tomorrow. She sent me a long email about how she suspects I'm narcissistic because "I tick a lot of the boxes".

Here are the boxes along with my genuine opinion on whether they are true.

Mood swings (true, I can be moody and ratty at times)
I am jealous if she's with family or friends (totally untrue)
I start arguments (I mean, chicken and the egg)
I twist her words and make out she's a bad person (I think I state my opinion)
Suddenly desert her (true, but with good reason to leave a situation like those described)
Gaslighting (I mean, I don't think so, certainly not intentionally)
Stonewalling (granted, I can be stonewalling and withdraw)

I took an online NPD test and gave the answers truthfully and it came back as low on narcissism. I have empathy. I don't believe I'm a narcissist but she's got me questioning it. I do need to attend therapy for other things aside from this so it will be valuable, but I just wanted some opinions.

We agreed to have therapy separately (she's enrolled too) and then catch up in a few weeks and decide whether we want to try again with this relationship. Is anybody a narcissist here? Or are we just too dysfunctional people? My head is fried and I have no idea what to think anymore.

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you :)

TRDR: My girlfriend says I'm a narcissist. I don't believe I am but want some broader advice on the situation given our recent arguments.