Looking for insight from avoidants about breakups and “leaving the door open”

I’m hoping to get some insight into my recent breakup—not so much about “what he’s thinking” but more about what goes through an avoidant’s mind during and after a relationship.

We were together for two years. The first six months were amazing—he was attentive, loving, and put in the effort. Things shifted after that: less affection, no more random “I love yous” or phone calls unless I initiated, and he started saying things like, “You deserve better.” While we had great physical chemistry and I felt deeply connected during those moments, the emotional connection was lacking. I tried to reassure him and fought for the relationship, but every few months, we’d have the same unresolved conversation about feeling unwanted, and he’d shut down.

The Breakup Timeline:

• June 2023: I broke it off because I felt lonelier with him than without him. He didn’t reply to the breakup text, and I had to create my own closure.
• July 2023: 25 days later, he reached out, admitting he messed up and still thought about me every day. We started talking again, but things didn’t improve. The emotional connection wasn’t there, and it felt like everything was about our physical chemistry.
• October 25, 2023: After another vague conversation where he said he wanted to be with me but “didn’t know” how, he asked for time to think. He wanted the weekend, but I didn’t hear from him.
• November 20, 2023: I reached out with a kind message asking where his head was at. He replied 7 hours later with a long text saying he wasn’t happy with his life, felt bad that I got the negative side of him, and needed to “fix himself” before letting anyone in. He said, “I don’t know how long it will take, or even if you want to hang around for that, or if you want to be there when I’m ready.”

• he did talk about how he likes the thought of me in his life, and he misses talking to me, and sharing his life with someone. 

• I replied empathetically, expressing that connection and communication were important to me and asking if he could meet me in the middle while working on himself. His response: he wanted to move forward on his own and get to where he needed to be.

The Final Exchange:

• I told him I completely understood and said, “Please take care of yourself, I’m proud of you… goodbye [his name].”
• Four hours later, he replied: “I’ll try. You do the same too, okay. Please…”
• He followed up with: “I’ll see you later, [my name].”

My Question:

I know I need to let go of hope for my own well-being, but I’m curious about an avoidant’s perspective:

• Why leave the door open with phrases like “I’ll see you later”?

• What goes through your mind during a breakup, especially if you care about the person?

• Would you ever go back, and what would motivate that decision?

Any insights would mean so much. Thank you.