Hello everyone. Before I type everything out, please don’t just say I’m a POS or I shouldn’t be in a relationship or anything like that. I already feel extremely guilty about having these thoughts and I would do anything to get rid of them. I hope I can find genuine help to help me get past this. Thanks.

So I (26M) and married to my wife (25F). We have been together for over 5 years at this point and married for 1.5 years. We have a very good relationship and communicate fairly well and are best friends. I love her more than anything and I want her to be happy. My problem however, is that for some reason I can’t stop fantasizing about cheating. I don’t know why it turns me on so much, but it does and I want it to stop. I feel extremely extremely guilty about it and it feels like I’m actually cheating just by having these thoughts. I don’t want to act on them, and I don’t think I would. I’ve had chances, for example: I am in very good shape, broad shoulders, tall (6’5) and have a handsome face and full head of hair. I hope I don’t sound narcissistic, I just know I am not ugly based on how women have treated me my whole life. Im simply saying this to get to my next point, which is women do approach me occasionally to ask for my Snapchat, or name, or every so often if I’m single and would like to go out.

So when this happens, my first instinct is to immediately say that I am married and I show them the ring. Which is what I have done on these occasions, so I have had the chance to probably cheat but I don’t act on them, which makes me think there is hope for me. Some of these girls are pretty attractive as well, and my problem is when they do this, I tell them I’m married, but then I go home and I think about them.. a lot. I fantasize about them, and think through the scenarios of cheating and being secretive and have sex and all that. & then I feel like a piece of garbage laying next to my wife thinking about this stuff while we’re in bed together. I feel so guilty. It drives me crazy! Why do I do this?? I don’t want to! I try to watch movies with positive male and father figures to help change my mindset. I idolize these people (and my own father who is a great dad and would never cheat) and I try to emulate their behavior as a husband, and soon to be father. (My wife is 7 months pregnant) I want to be the best version of myself for our baby and for her, so why is my mind like this?

I don’t just want it to go away, I want to understand why I am like this in the first place. My best guess is that I was still decently attractive growing up, but my wife and I met when I first starting working out consistently, and I’ve put on a lot of muscle and size and gained a lot of confidence because of this. Maybe some part of me wishes I could see what other potential there is for me with my new body. It sounds stupid but while I did get attention from girls before, now that I have a pretty muscular frame to go with the face and height, I get attention from much more attractive women than before. Ones who I never thought would give me a chance 5 years ago. Again this is just my own thoughts on why I am like this. I wasn’t like this with my last gf who I dated for 3 years, but I also wasn’t nearly as confident and she was probably a little out of my league at the time.

Anyways, what do you guys suggest? I want these thoughts to end. I have considered getting a therapist, but then my wife would ask me why. I’ve considered going to church again, which I haven’t in awhile. I’ve also stopped watching porn but that doesn’t seem to help so far. It’s been almost a year since I’ve stopped watching. I just feel so disgusted with myself. But when I think about it and get turned on, the disgust disappears until I’m not turned on anymore. I’m just afraid that these thoughts will corrupt me eventually and I will act on it. I don’t want that to happen. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions are welcome.