Today’s my(28M) birthday, and my girlfriend(28F) forgot it. We haven’t talked much over the last few days because she was visiting her hometown and was busy. I thought, “Okay, she’s not talking to me, but surely she’ll surprise me today by showing up at my place.” After all, we both work in the same city, and I’ve always given her random surprises by showing up unannounced. I thought she might do the same for me.

But I was wrong.

This has made me really reflect on our relationship. I can’t help but wonder, Am I the only one putting effort in this relationship?

Here’s what’s been bothering me lately:

No Surprises or Gifts: She never surprises me or gives me random gifts. I’ve always done that for her, but she never does it for me. Even for my birthday, she always asks what I want. I really expected her to come up with something on her own, like she did in the first couple of years. Back then, I loved the thoughtful gifts she gave me and I kept them all. Now, she just asks me what I want.

Changes in Attention: When we first started dating, she used to send me pictures of herself getting ready or when she bought a new outfit. Now, I either don’t get them at all, or I get them only after she’s posted them on Instagram.

Only Efforts After Fights: The only time I really see her trying is after we have a fight. It feels like she only puts in the work to fix things when there’s a problem, but not just because she cares.

I could go on with the list of things I do for her that she doesn’t reciprocate, but it’s starting to feel like I’m the only one trying.

I’ve started to question: Is she just seeing me as a safe option for marriage? She says she wants to marry me soon, and I do too, but we’ve agreed to wait a year for various reasons. What’s confusing is that she’s told me before that, in her culture, she won’t find anyone better than me if we ever break up. It makes me wonder if she’s settling for me because it’s convenient or if she truly wants to build a life with me.

The truth is, I don’t want to end things. We've been together for more than 7 years, and we get along really well. We have so much fun together, and we’re very comfortable around each other. We’re on the same page about a lot of things like our values and interests. But when it comes to effort, I just want to feel like she’s putting in even a small fraction of what I’m doing.

What really hurts is that she’s put so much effort into her past relationships. She’s admitted it to me. When we talked about it once, she even agreed that she’s treated me poorly and hasn’t put the same amount of work in this relationship. I asked her for just 5% of the effort she gave her exes, but I haven’t seen any real change since then.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave her, but I feel stuck. I want to feel valued and appreciated. I need advice on how to bring this up again and how to fix this, without pushing her away.

How can I sort this out?

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years, and today she forgot my birthday. I’ve always put a lot of effort into surprising her and doing nice things, but lately, I feel like she doesn’t put in the same effort. She never surprises me with gifts, she doesn’t send me pictures like she used to, and I only see her making an effort when we fight. She says she wants to marry me, but I wonder if she’s just settling. I don’t want to break up, but I feel underappreciated. How can I talk to her about this and fix things without pushing her away?

(Sorry for the long post)