I'm 32M, met a 28F. We talked in essays to each other, we moved on to voice calls that lasted hours and hours, some as much as 3-4 hours. Finally, we met. I took her out for Boba and she tried to pay at first, but I knew she wasn't completely financially well off and I am - so I paid. She told me, "I'll get you next time". I said sure. Went back to my place and slept together. She stayed the night. Next day we went out and I showed her around the city since she's lived here her whole life but is mostly a homebody and gamer. During our talks, I told her I'm looking for a partner that is very expressive. She told me she had her heart on her sleeve, but when we went out - it was me showing her places and her not really reacting to anything. I felt bored. She told me to always be direct with her, so after a second time of us going out and getting pretty much a reactionless time I brought it up. I told her, "You claimed you were really expressive and wear your heart on your sleeve, but when we go out it's kind of like you're just a passenger and I'm alone. What's up, are you having fun or not?" She started panicking and reassured me that she was having some of the best time of her life and didn't know how to express it. Weird, I thought, that is contrary to everything she said. So I dropped it, figured this was a flaw I just had to live with.

We went out more and honestly, the vast majority of women I've dated are super petite. Like <5'1 and 120 lbs max. It's not something I necessarily look for, it just happens to be my history and what I'm used to. This girl was maybe 5'4 and 140 lbs. Physically, she was attractive - but just not to me - maneuvering her in bed took more effort and I like when the woman is petite and it's effortless. I didn't like that she wasn't super petite, so after a few times of sleeping with her I noticed I was just losing interest. We went out again and it was another day of her showing no reaction to much of anything, so after I dropped off I said goodbye and shortly afterwards I pulled over and sent a long text message - explaining why I am going to be moving on and cutting off contact, giving some last minute advice on something she shared with me that was bothering her, wishing her well etc. Hours later, I find my IG blown up with her on alt accounts begging to please give her another chance. She kept contacting me for two days, until finally I reached out and I said that I don't think we are compatible. I want someone who shows emotion in their face and is generally excited about life. She apologized and explained and we talked and we made up. She came back to my place, we slept together again but afterwards she told me never to ghost her again. I don't feel like what I did was ghosting, but OK.

Since the inception of speaking to her, we always talked about going on a road trip. I said hey why don't we go to this big city 5 hours away this weekend. She agreed. Wednesday of that week, she told me she had a punk show to go to. I said have fun and without warning, she starts sharing her location with me. She says she's going solo and only sharing it in case she gets too drunk. She asked if I can pick her up if she gets too drunk and I said sure. That night I'm gaming and texting her as she's at the show and I'm also looking at her location - and I find that it isn't exactly INSIDE the venue - it's more towards the street. I watched her be at this exact location about 30 minutes. I also noticed her text messages started becoming non-sensical. I use Air Tags on my items so I generally think these devices are super accurate so I decided to drive to the venue, about 13 minutes away. I figured it would help me figure out if she's really just outside, and why, and also I figured she might need me to go pick her up. So I get there and as I turn the corner, I see her talking to a man. I parked about 60-70 feet away from her and she's outside the venue talking to this dude. They're doing some touching - seemed playfully flirty. I also noticed she flat out stopped texting me. I called her - no answer. She eventually walks away from him and then goes next door to a restaurant. I watch them for about 30 minutes. Only after she's there, she calls me.

I asked her how's the show and she goes it's going great - she tells me she made a new friend, a woman in her 40's and they had girl talk. I said cool, did you meet anyone else there? She says no, I didn't really talk to anybody else. I asked her if she was sure and she doubled down so I confronted her and said "What about the dude you spoke to then for 30-40 minutes?" She says, "Oh I forgot about him! He and I aren't really friends". And I'm like huh, that's strange - you literally just finished speaking to him and you forgot? Finally, it was silence on the phone and I said, "I've got to go". I dialed my friend and asked for advice. He ultimately told me from his perspective, that it's shady but not fully wrong and that I should go up to her. So I did and the restaurant has seating outside. So I snuck up behind her and kissed her on the cheek and said, "Surprise!" I then immediately turned towards the guy she was interacting with, turns out he is a security guard at the front of the venue but he looked pretty pissed that I kissed her. In fact, when I snuck up behind her and kissed her, I saw him take one step towards us as if he was going to interfere and then she kissed me back so he stopped. I thought his reaction was strange and telling of his intentions to get her number or whatever. We spoke and she was basically completely sober, which to me confirms that I was being ignored as she spoke to him for a while. She was texting me every 3 minutes or so and then they stopped, seemingly when she started talking to him. I don't expect messages this frequent but I see cause and effect and I didn't like the intentions.

Finally, she and I go on the road trip. The entire time she was going, "Cool. Look at that cow." , "Oh. Look at that tree". It was like her attempt at being more engaging when we went out but I found it insulting, I mean whenever she did this it felt insincere, forced and almost mocking. This happened the entire car ride. We get to the city, explore, and I find that when we go out - she suddenly goes silent. I'm telling her the history of the city, where some cool spots are, we walked by interesting architecture and she just gave me nothing to go with. She went from 100 in the car to absolutely nothing. I found that annoying. We ended up going to eat with my friends from that city, it was 7 of us in total. I grew up in that city so these friends were like childhood best friends and In wanted to introduce her to them. I noticed that when we were there, she suddenly stopped acknowledging me - just spoke to my friends, didn't say a word with me and seemed really engaged with them and not me - she didn't even show me any affection. - this was supposed to be me introducing my new girlfriend to the boys. I brought it up quietly after the dinner when the guys went to the bathroom and she said, that she's sorry, she'll do better next time. Okay.

We all end up going to a bar and there, once again, she starts pretty much ignoring me and speaking to one of my friends. Everytime I would make conversation, my friend would butt in, and she would pay attention to them - and I just felt alienated during the whole thing. Finally in my head I was like "Nah, fuck this. I'm done. I'll start withdrawing and honestly, if my friend wants to take her home - go for it." So I started paying more attention to the guy to my left and we had a good conversation but as I was taking a drink - and my friend and my date stopped talking briefly - from the periphery of my vision I was seeing that she was looking at someone's location on her phone. I looked at the name and it was a male's name. Her ex that she had previously mentioned. Shortly after, we all decided to leave and I noticed she was paying attention to a specific friend of mine the most. I told her, "Hey, if you're not interested in me - you can go sleep with my friend instead, I don't care. I've already voiced multiple concerns to you, and you seemingly do nothing to fix any of them". She started becoming apologetic and the mood was ruined. She came back with me to my hotel and we went to bed. She tried to get intimate with me but I shrugged her off and said maybe tomorrow.

The day after I woke up and she told me that we need to have a talk. I said you know what, I agree, I think we should. She started presenting her perspective and basically said, "I think you're putting too many expectations on me and I am becoming stressed". I listened to her and I did not say a word for a full 15 minutes. Finally, she said, "I just think you must've had an ex that was able to do all this and you're holding me to her standards". I interrupted, because this was a lie, and I said, "No. In fact, it's quite the contrary. I had a girl I was in a relationship with, who was older than me, who suffered from all the same things I'm pointing out in you - and I stayed with her for 4 years and she made me unhappy. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't make me happy, which is why I point these little things out. All I want is to feel like you're with me, that you're excited about life and ready to explore what it has to offer and that you're faithful. These are three things you've all failed to show me. She brought up the unfaithful part, and I mentioned the guy at the venue, then I dropped the bomb - that I saw her looking at her ex's location and I told her that I need an explanation on why she's still sharing locations with her ex, why she's still looking at it when I am literally next to her. She started becoming a sobbing mess and had a full 45 minutes of crying, stuttering - not really making any sense or able to string a sentence together. She ended it with her saying I was invalidating her feelings - when I literally sat there probably for 90 minutes, listened the whole time and I uttered no more than 4 sentences the entire time. We went back home and on the way there, I noticed she didn't remark on anything on the road trip. That was when I knew I was done. So I dropped her off - sent her a text explaining all the reasons I am done with her and I urged her not to contact me again like last time.

Now what I want to know is... was I the bad guy?

**TL;DR: I met this girl, and we hit it off at first—long talks, great connection. But when we started dating, she wasn’t as expressive as she claimed, and I felt alone on our outings. I lost physical attraction because I prefer petite women, but I still gave it a shot. She had sketchy behavior at a punk show, talking to a guy and lying about it, then later checked her ex’s location during a trip I planned. Around my friends, she ignored me, and her attempts to engage felt forced. After calling her out, she broke down, and I realized this wasn’t working for me but I don't know if what I consider sketchy behavior actually was sketchy behavior.**