I’ve known this friend for a bit over a year now and the incident happened in June when he visited me during my summer internship.

On the morning of day 3, when he came to my apartment, we didn’t have anything to do. He was getting comfy and sleepy, and said something along the lines of: “I need to go to the living room cuz I’m having crazy thoughts about you.” I then held hands with him, he asked if I want to get closer and we kissed and had sex.

Immediately after we showered, however, he started telling me how it shouldn’t have happened, and wanted to make sure that we’re still friends (I asked if he wanted to continue to sleep together). He even told me that he has a crush on this different girl and is trying to ask her out.

He said that he asked me multiple times for my consent because he wanted to stop himself but did not have the self control. The day before he said I’m like a little sister to him. He has had hookups before but they were planned, and this is the first time sex has happened unexpectedly to him. In the next few days he sent me a bunch of texts about how much he regrets about it and insists that we stay friends.

We have met twice since this incident. Once in September (when we came back to uni) and once earlier this month.

In September, he said I still turn him on, but he thinks that casual relationships are not for him and he wants a serious one (he’s an international student and getting an internship is literally the most important thing on his mind rn). He’s considered getting into a relationship with me, but decided that we’re not there yet. But he also said that he’s thought so much about this only because I’m very important to him.

When we met earlier this month, he kept on asking me if there’s any guys at the hangout I’ll be going to, if I have any love life updates, and who’s the male friend I was with when he ran into me the other day.

We’re at a weird place where we would make sexual jokes with each other and remind each other of the details of the sex, but we no longer make any physical contact, and barely texts (I don’t think he wants to text me).

I feel like I’m falling for him. We have similar upbringings, he’s very attractive in my eyes, and he seems to care about me.

Are these mixed signals or am I overthinking? How might he define our relationship? What can I do if I want sex/relationship with him?