Me, 19F, and my boyfriend, 19M have been dating for exactly one year, today. Before we started dating we were somewhat a situationship for like 3-4 months. During that time the sex was great. We would sleep together every time we hung out, sometimes more than once, but we also didn’t just hookup; it was an actual hangout as well. We would do things like baking cookies, go on hikes, have ice cream on the beach at sunset, play card/board games, and just have a great time together. Then, we would normally top the night off with some sex. When we became official, this continued except it got even better. Good hangouts and good sex; a nice balance of both. However, this didn’t last forever. After a couple months of dating, I noticed that he didn’t want to have sex as often as before. We still did it most of the time, but there was never more than one round and for some reason it wasn’t exciting anymore. We stopped trying new positions. In fact, we stopped doing most positions. Even now, we stick to pretty much the same position every single time, for the whole time, and it’s his favourite one. But I’m getting ahead of myself now. Anyways, most of the time turned to some of the time, and some of the time eventually turned into the current state: rare. And it’s not like we don’t get the opportunity. I see him multiple times per week and we often have the house to ourselves. And even if we aren’t home alone, it doesn’t stop us, at his place, because his room is in the basement. It’s also underneath the spare bedroom, which is always empty, and there are no other rooms downstairs, so we’re practically alone. There’s nothing stopping us except for him.

I really don’t understand why he doesn’t want to have sex. It was always like this I would be okay with it. If he just had a low sex drive, fine by me. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Because like I said, we used to do it all the time. We couldn’t see each other without doing it. Now, we can go a month or two without doing it. It’s Nov. 16th and let’s just say he’s currently still in play for NNN. So why did it change all of a sudden? That’s what beats me. He’s got more bodies under his belt than I’d prefer, and he’s told me that he’s done it in the forest before, at remote beach, done some kinky stuff with handcuffs and toys and things, but he refuses to do any of that with me. Like I said, for the past at least 8 months of our relationship, it’s almost always been the same position. And there has definitely been no toys or handcuffs. And we’ve only ever done it on either my bed, or his bed. And we’ve gone on hikes and been the only ones on the mountain. We’ve gone to secluded beaches where no one would have seen us. But he just doesn’t seem like he ever just needs to have me. Why will he do these things with other girls that he never dated, but he won’t do it with me: his only real relationship.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried. Pretty well every time we’ve had sex, he has initiated it. I legitimately can only think of time ever that I have (successfully) initiated. When we used to do it more often, I would always let him initiate because I get a bit shy. I’d hint at it or try to subtly seduce him but I always let him make the first actual move. But when he stopped making moves, I tried to initiate for a change. Unfortunately, I have failed every single time except once. (At least that I can remember, maybe one or two more time at MOST). I always get denied. He’s either tired or his stomach hurts, and that’s pretty much the only two reasons he has. Except once. He agreed to doing it, we started making out, and he kept stopping to watch TV. Eventually, I gave up because he clearly didn’t want to. But I just don’t get it. Why won’t he have sex with me?

It’s also not even about the sex anymore. He won’t even look at me when I’m changing or feel me up. I felt him get hard when a sex scene camp up on a show we were watching, but he won’t even look at me while I’m changing. And I’ll purposely turn around and bend over to grab my change of pants and he won’t look. Not even a glance. I’ll say “I’m way too hot right now”, then I’ll get up and take my pants off and get back into in bed with him, in just a thong. He doesn’t care. I’ll say, “my bra is so uncomfortable I’ve been wearing it all day,” and take it off or get him to take it off for me, then back into bed with either no bra and a shirt, or sometimes just nothing. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t look. He doesn’t try and touch. I don’t understand. But he sure looks like he’s intently watching if there’s a shirtless woman on TV.

I look pretty well exactly the same as when we started dating. I haven’t gained weight, I havent changed my hair or done anything dramatic to my appearance, so I don’t see why he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore. I don’t see why he would be bored of our sex. I’m the one who wants to spice it up and he won’t let me. It’s the other way around. I’m the bored one. It’s not like sex isn’t good for him. He finishes everytime. I can’t say the same. I can’t say I ever have with to be honest. But I still like doing it because even if I don’t finish, the act itself is fun and still feels good.

I asked him one time why we stopped having sex. I asked if he stopped being attracted to me. I asked if he was bored with our sex. I asked if he thought I was bad in bed. He seemed offended that I would think those things and denied all my suspicions, but he also never gave me an answer.

He’s my first boyfriend. Idk how it normally is but I feel like he should want to do it more than once a month. I always see memes that like “my boyfriend acts like he seeing boobs for the first time every time he sees them” or “my boyfriend sticks his hand in my bra every chance he gets” or “my boyfriend thinks he’s slick when he makes me bend over to pick up something up for him” or “my boyfriend when I say my parents arent home” and then it’s a vid of a race car or something. My boyfriend doesn’t do any of those things. My friends will say “my boyfriend did ________ to piss me off so I was petty and didn’t have sex with him last night.” wdym? I don’t have that option for punishment. my boyfriend doesn’t wanna have sex anyway so he doesn’t care if I take it off the table for the night. like are those memes actually relatable? are my girl friends for real? or do other boyfriends also only wanna have sex once a month too?

Today was our first dating anniversary. I thought that might mean I had a shot at trying to initiate. I haven’t even bothered in a while because I know that if I have to initiate, he doesn’t want to. (If he wants to, he will). But I thought, tonight is a special night so I’ll give it a try. But nope. My man pulled out both of his excuses in one shot. He used two stones to kill one bird: 1. tired and 2. bloated from dinner. We’ve been dating for one year. We’re 19. We should still have a sex life. We’re not a Middle-aged married couple who are trying to balance kids, a full time job, and a love life. We’re teenagers who shouldn’t be tired of each other yet. Please tell me, is this normal? And if it isn’t, what could be the reason? What am I missing?