I became friends with a girl through a mutual friend I met during my internship. We bonded quickly over shared interests—she had gone through a traumatic event and trusted me with her story. We both had similar goals: I wanted to pursue my Master’s in Nursing, and she was aiming for her Bachelor’s. I felt a sense of closeness with her, especially since she had confided so much in me.

However, things began to change when she started hanging out with the friend I’d cut ties with from the internship. This friend and her group were involved in some toxic behavior, and I started to notice my new friend shifting her priorities toward them—focusing on partying, men, and neglecting her own recovery. She started lying a lot, and I found myself in situations where I was left stranded, waiting on her with no updates about where she was or what she was doing.

The final straw came when we made plans, and I even left work early to meet her. She didn’t update me for hours, and when she finally called, she was casually asking if I still needed to be picked up. She claimed she had to drop off cologne, but it turned out she was actually dropping off a guy she had invited to stay overnight in a friend's dorm without permission. He needed a ride home, and it was far out of the way, which she hadn't told me. She gaslit me, making me feel like I was being unreasonable for being upset.

We tried to resolve things over text, but it felt off. I gave her another chance, but it was clear she wasn’t putting in the effort anymore. I ended up not going to her birthday party because I didn’t feel like she was being true to herself—she let her friends dictate her plans, and I didn’t want to be part of that dynamic. She also talked badly about her friends, shared their trauma without consent, and then turned around and gossiped about me to them. It felt fake and manipulative.

I tried to address the issues in person, meeting up with her twice to talk through everything. I wanted to see if our friendship could be salvaged, but I could tell it wasn’t going to work. She continued to lie, make excuses, and put no effort into resolving the issues. Finally, I confronted her in a message at the beginning of October, expressing how her behavior had hurt me for months. She ignored everything I said, deflected, and gaslit me again. Eventually, I unfollowed her on social media.

Just a few months later, I found out that I was accepted into the MSN program at the same school where she had been accepted into the BSN program months prior. While this was a huge accomplishment for me, I also felt a sense of relief because she had often made me feel lesser. What really hurt, though, was that she still talks badly about me to people who know me, and I’ve noticed some of them unfollowing me on social media. I know I shouldn’t let it affect me, but it still stings, and I’m having trouble letting go of the negativity she’s spreading. How do I cope with the hurt and negativity from a toxic friendship that ended badly, especially when the other person is still spreading lies about me?

tl;dr I became close friends with a girl through a mutual friend from my internship, but over time, she became dishonest, manipulative, and prioritized toxic people over our friendship. After I confronted her about her lies and hurtful behavior, she gaslit me and refused to take responsibility. Now, she’s still spreading negativity about me to others, and some people have unfollowed me on social media. How do I cope with the hurt and negativity from a toxic friendship that ended badly, especially when the other person is still spreading lies about me?