My boyfriend’s friend moved in a few weeks ago as he his girlfriend broke up (it was a really toxic relationship). I was super fine with it, as I have experienced homelessness before and will always welcome others to my home with open arms as I know the hardships and trauma that is associated with being homeless.

That being said, I think it was a massive mistake and I am now considering breaking up with my partner. His friend is so so nice, I actually enjoy his personality a lot, but he drinks every night, he stays up late, and plays video games a lot; all of this is all fine, idc what he does, but the issue is he is influencing my boyfriend is a negative way.

My boyfriend has started drinking more frequently, which I honestly wouldn’t care about but he has started smoking weed nightly as well. I don’t drink regularly besides at big social events or birthdays, but I smoke weed regularly. I am an administrator at my job, and I am able to smoke weed with no issue at my job. My boyfriend however, is a pilot, the kind that flies airplanes lol. He is not supposed to be smoking, and it causes me a lot of stress now that he has started smoking weed because his job/license/livelihood is at stake if he gets caught.

My other issue is his friends work ethic, which I don’t care about. His friend is a server who works part time, but since his friend moved in he has been working less and studying less. My boyfriend is not an airline pilot as he is still working on getting his in-flight hours, but he still needs to be actively flying and training to be working towards his goal of becoming an airline pilot; and quite frankly I have seen his work ethic go down significantly since his friend moved in. He barely even studies his past lesson plans or his instrument trainings which worries me about him flying.

Ok Reddit, here is where I acquire your help! I don’t know what to do, I find myself growing more and more resentful of how boyfriend has been acting everyday. It is disappointing, I fell in love with someone who would get up and tackle the day, who would work out daily, watch sports with me, and was just an overall amazing man. But now, I feel like everyday I wan watching my partner regress into his early college days.

I don’t want to ask his friend to leave, it isn’t his friends fault after all, I didn’t fall in love with his friend, I fell in love with him. Which is why I am a loss of what to do. I don’t want or continue to watch my boyfriend turn into his friend, because I don’t want to be with someone like that.

I spoke with him about this the last few days, and every time it’s excuses. “Oh my birthday was when he just moved in” or “Well of course it’s our first chance playing the 2K game together” or “well I didn’t have a lesson the last few Fridays” or whatever. I guess that is all understandable, but idk it makes me worry these types of behavior will continue.

So reddit, I ask your advice on how to handle this situation and how I should go about this entire situation. I love my boyfriend, he is the coolest man I’ve ever met and he has made me feel so special the last few years. But at the same time, I don’t love the version I have seen of him the past few weeks/month. I just want to figure out how to proceed this situation with empathy and compassion while being able to figure out how to navigate this situation. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks Reddit !

Also- I am F23, boyfriend and his friend are both M25