I (F31) am dating this guy (M39) since 6 weeks now. We met on a group holiday so before our first date we already spent some time on a one week holiday.

It’s going pretty great. We have been seeing each other 7-8 times now I believe, including sleepovers from date 3 onwards. We had some serious talks as well about our attachment styles and how we see the future. I have an anxious attachment style which I am very aware of and I am finding a therapist to hopefully work on it. He has some fear of commitment, but until now I haven’t notice it yet really. He has worked on it last years too, so hopefully it will not become activated a lot.

We live 2 hour drive away from each other, so it’s hard to see each other multiple times a week. In real life, I really can feel his affection. He has a physical touch love language and so do I. I can see in his eyes he really likes me.

Here comes my issue: During the days we do not see each other I sometimes have such a difficult time. He is not really flirty, does not really give me a lot of compliments and does not express in words that he likes me a lot or something. Thats just not his love language I guess. He does however really consistently message me. Messages me good morning, good night, frequently updates me during the day, sends me instagram reels and all that. So in that sense I can really see he likes me. But I do miss the real affection during the distance days.

I did try to tell him a little bit that during texting I don’t really notice he likes me. I said it in a joking way. I do not want to sound needy because I am afraid to activate his commitment fears.

How can I handle this best? I would really like some more reassurance during the distance days. It can be little things like calling me a sweet name, or sending me randomly a heart, or telling me he looks forward to seeing me. Anything like that would make me so happy.

We had a 1 hour phone call tonight and the phone calls somehow always do feel a bit awkward from his side. Tonight he was saying sleep well already on the phone and I said ‘oh well message me later when you’re going to sleep’.

He went to sleep without messaging me. Is the following message a good way to express myself or do I sound too needy and should I delete the message?

“Hmmm, it would have been really nice if you had said good night, I thought I indicated that on the phone. This does trigger some insecure thoughts, to be honest... I always like the sweet sleep well messages in the evening, it always gives me some reassurance that things are still going well, so that is something that is important to me. I just need some reassurance now and then as it is a bit more difficult for me to feel it from a distance 😕”