We met on a dating app before the pandemic. He was very into me, did everything right in terms of showing a lot of interest without being full of shit. We continued to stay in touch and talk almost everyday for 4 years. He would always ask me how I was, was seemingly honest with me about stuff, including the fact that he was casually dating other women (I was doing the same and met someone I was pretty serious about but then we split) - since we were in different countries on opposite sides of the world, the assumption was we were not officially together. That said, he did always care about me, when something bad happened to me he was the first to contact me, and was very understanding of my issues, told me he liked me for me, and made his intentions pretty clear. He always asked when I'd come visit, etc. he has only been in long-term relationships before, he said, both lasting 5 years, and a series of flings in between. But he never got sexual or told me about anyone else.

Things changed about a year ago, about 4 years on into this - when I visited him as a surprise, and he had friends in town and so couldn't see me/wouldn't see me. He did keep in touch and chat me up and apologized, but I also took the opportunity to ask him where we stood at this point, and he dodged the question, which was new for him. I told him I would definitely be back in a few weeks, and he followed up with me when that date arrived, but I didn't actually go back and told him, and he seemed to be cool with it and said "no worries!" And tried to continue the conversation. Then I contacted him on Christmas to say hi, and he was not messaging me back right away despite being online, which pissed me off, and I confronted him about it and basically told him I'd leave him alone, and he didn't follow up.

Well it turns out, like 2 weeks later he wound up going to NYC (where I live) but didn't tell me, and he at least saw a female coworker who lives there as they took a mirror selfie together and he reposted it on social media. I don't follow him, but his profile is public. I know this coworker seems to be a bit flirty in general.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We have not spoken in almost a year. I am in town for something and I message him because I wanted closure. Well it turns out, he spent Halloween with said coworker as they have a group of friends; and the photos on social media of all of them - the two of them are next to each other in every pic. Granted, not hugging or touching or anything - but it was weird. I confronted him about it and he said it was a group of friends from around, and that he did not have a girlfriend, but wanted me to be his girlfriend. He was super responsive, then asked if I wanted to get drinks and catch up. I was being quite open with him, sent him some pics of me, to which he said I look great, I look good, and kept asking me questions about how I was. I told him I just wanted to get in touch about how I was grateful for his support through the years, how it saved me. And he said it was so sweet; it's always a pleasure to talk to me; and that he's always here for me if I need help to ask more explicitly. He kept saying how people form his country make such good boyfriends. Long story short, we didn't end up meeting. But after I left, he hasn't contacted me at all. I felt like he didn't remember a lot of what happened or was surprised that I remembered. He also had a parent pass away but didn't ever tell me about it. He never told me about his visit to the states. I used to be pretty confident he was into me and we both are both very similar at heart yet total opposites in some ways, like an other half situation, but now I'm feeling extremely deceived and bothered by all of this. I admit I also was an insecure, crazy mess for 4 years, and now I'm different, I've opened up, become happier, put myself out there, and he largely will open up as much as I do and follows my lead in terms of what I want. So I did notice that he was being much more honest, copying my tone, etc now. That's why I'm confused as to why he's not chasing me or what is going on.

Tl;dr: confusing relationship ends in shambles, feel deceived. Help?