I rarely drink. Two days ago me and my BF went to a birthday celebration and I accidentally ate a cookie edible. Me and my BF got into the good vibes and we ate more edibles. I took a hit off a bong and I drank alcohol. I never drank or ate edibles together or at that amount before that night. That was my first time ever eating an edible. When we got home while we ate I felt really dizzy and scared. I was hallucinating. At first I was just exaggerating but as me and my bf fell asleep he wouldn’t stop laughing bc he was high. His facial features suddenly distorted and I felt like I was falling into a pit. I was so terrified I felt like I was going to die. All of my past traumas flashed in my eyes and I confessed to my BF that I’m scared that my dad will find me and abuse me again. After that I felt so scared and his face became more distorted, I remember I pushed him off bc I was scared but I don’t recall hitting him. He told me I slapped him and told him to “not hurt me”. I was thinking about the terrible dreams I have sometimes and I felt like I was in danger. I hugged him and that brought me peace but he said that I pushed his face three times while I said to “go away and don’t hurt me”.

I found inappropriate texts he sent to someone else the summer before this. I forgave him but for some reason during this episode those feelings of betrayal came back and I said things like “I didn’t deserve that”. My boyfriend woke up and didn’t want to talk to me. We talked about it but he said he was going to take a nap before we talk about it later today. I don’t know what to do. Did I cross the line? He says I was fully in control of what I said and what I did but I genuinely was working under a mind in frenzy. I did all of this bc everything was dizzy and I felt so scared.