I (30F) have been with my husband (33M) for 5 years now. These specific friends were actually the first friends of his I met (My husbands best friend (33M) and his wife (26F) )

IMPORTANT TO NOTE: I had just recently moved across the country alone (a month before lockdowns), I didn't know anyone, this was right after COVID, I was a shell of who I used to be.

We met, typical dinner, I was being shy, however one thing I noticed is they didn't really engage me in conversation. In a way where they would keep discussing inside jokes and different cultural activities, etc I knew nothing about. I would try to chime in then it would branch them into another inside joke and story about stuff they did together. It was awkward and kinda set the tone for moving forward.

I started working on my mental health again, lost my job, stopped seeing doctors bc of insurance, yadda yadda yadda. I won't go into all the details or excuses, I could have done better at socializing.

Of course this did end up leading to some tension in our relationship. Since it was his best friend of course he noticed more about how awkward I was when we spent time with them. Came to find out recently that she had kept telling my husband that I am boring, rude, awkward, weird, stuck up, and she just isn't comfortable having me in her home or around her kids.

I used to always try to talk to her but just like the original meeting I would start talking to her and she would answer the questions I asked, no follow up questions for me or if I tried saying something in relation to what she said it would be the polite smile and "oh yeah? okay". I gave up.

Husband and I ended up separating for about a year to work on our mental health. We got back together, things have been great.

I ended up (recently) being medicated for ADHD which has helped with pretty much everything in my life. I feel like myself again.

With all of that being said, we have started spending time with them again. I am more social with her (partly because of the medication making me less anxious). Conversations still feel forced though, it's clear she does not like me (especially since my husband told me she doesn't lol).

Anyway we were over at their house a couple of months ago. I saw a book on her counter of a movie that came out recently that I have been dying to see but none of my friends were interested in the movie. I immediately went "Oh, have you seen that movie yet?" and she told me that she wants to but she wants to read the book first. I was like oh yeah me too, I've been dying to see it but I never read the book I should probably do that. She said she didn't want to see it at the movies so she could cry at home during it. Anyway, you get the idea. I let her know when it's streaming I'd love to come over and I can bring some food and we can watch it while the men do their own thing. She literally stared at me and walked away. Okie dokie.

I told my husband about this and he said that is a weird thing to do and that's probably why she walked away like she did.

We end up going to see them again. This has been about a month later. I lightly talk to her, conversation STARTS flowing. We seem to be getting along. Hours go by and I actually apologized to her about my behavior in the past and I know how off putting it may have been that I was silent a lot and may have seem disengaged. Branched into again, the movie. I asked her if she saw it and she still had not, she still did not read that book. I suggested the idea once more like hey really I'd love to if you want to none of my friends want to see that movie, blah blah blah. She said she would actually love that and when it's streaming we can set a girls night. We continued talking about other stuff, we even did some like small activities together (stuff the kids were doing but gave up on).

We leave, I am satisfied. I think it went well.

My husband's birthday is coming up soon. I am planning a surprise party for him. I texted her weeks in advance and asked if she had plans that day and she said they were free. I let her know what was going on and how I know my husband would love for them to be there (and it's a kid friendly place). She read it, did not answer. About 2 days later she finally texts back and says "sorry I just made plans with my sister so we can't" ?????? (her sister lives down the street from her for reference)

I truly am at a LOSS. I don't feel like I have an issue getting along with anyone else in his life. But this specifically hurts my husband because she won't let her husband spend any time with mine if there's even a possibility I'm around. She has not explicitly said this but it is very obvious. When we were separated for a bit he was invited over all the time, they were always asking him to do things, etc. Once we were officially moved back in together and stable it stopped. Immediately.

I feel guilty too. I am not sure how else to approach her. If I treat her like I treat everyone else, I'm weird. If I'm quiet, I'm weird. If I am cordial with her and nothing further I'm rude. I am not attractive so it's not a jealousy thing. Her husband and I will be cordial with each other but in a way that you'd see in any group setting (not sure how to explain that) so it's not like she thinks I'm flirting with him.

MY husband theorizes it may because I'm fairly laid back in our relationship. Like if he wants to go out drinking with his friends I don't care, or hunting, fishing, camping, it doesn't bother me. However, she is VERY controlling with her husband, he needs to be home before dark, he has to call her at set times throughout the day (every day) doesn't matter what he's doing, if she is out of town visiting her family he is not allowed to leave the home without her permission and/or she has other family stay at the house with him. To each their own, he seems very happy with her, my husband just feels like it may be that and that we may influence her husband to make bad decisions (we wouldn't).

I know some people just don't get along and that very well could be all it is. If you don't like me you don't like me, but don't take it out on my husband, especially when it's something special to him..

I am not sure what to do from here. I wanted his birthday to be special but I know the first thing he'll notice is his best friend isn't there. I didn't respond to her or try to push the issue, but I know we will see them again and I'd love to know how to best approach her moving forward.