I’m not a fan of family gatherings. I know it sounds weird to not be into that stuff. It just makes me feel awkward like I don’t have much of a connection to my family.

I’m also going through a rough patch in my life. I was suppose to get married in January but now it’s not going to happen. My fiancé was suppose to come back to the U.S. on a K1 fiancé visa. Sadly, his visa got denied and that has broken our hearts into tiny pieces. The life we wanted has been delayed. The apartment we wanted, our kitten we were so excited for, and the life we have been fantasizing about. It’s the worst feeling ever it’s like you’re mourning. We’re planning on proceeding with a marriage visa and that’s another 1-2 years of being apart. If that doesn’t work out then I’m just going to move to his home country.

My mom told me that so many people from her family will be in attendance of this party. It would also be my brother and his girlfriend, my cousin and her boyfriend, and another set of cousins with their significant others. I know it’s not going to be some romantic gathering but everyone there with their significant others and me being alone. It doesn’t feel right at all. I’m sure it’s going to be fun but I’m not mentally up to the sympathy over the denied visa and that wedding that’s not happening. I hate the idea of sitting there alone seeing all the couples together and being left to my own thoughts. This type of party happened last March and I was in the same condition. I was sad that my fiancé wasn’t there and just felt bored.

My mom told me that it’s for her elderly aunt and that I basically need to get over how I’m feeling. I tried to explain to her I don’t want to go to feel horrible about myself and hear all the comments about my wedding that’s not going to happen. I don’t want to hear all the sympathy. She then flipped and told me I need to be more independent of not being with him and if I feel this way to just stay home so I won’t ruin her party. She also said that I’m just doing this to myself because this is something her family would never do to me and she also added in that I’m just jealous of my cousin. Maybe I am jealous but that’s because of the situation that her boyfriend is in the country while my fiancé is another country. I ended up saying I’ll go and she told me if I go my attendance will ruin her party.

I just wish she can understand how I feel like of what I’m going through. But I don’t know if I’m wrong for not wanting to go?