i dont know what subreddit to go in for this so im going here even though i broke up with him a year ago. a little before we broke up and i was completely out of love him, i didnt know it at the time but it was bc of emotional abuse. i didnt want to ever have sex with him. i was never horny and i think its bc my body was rejecting him. at the time i was 21F and he was 22M and we were dating for a little over a year.

i dont rly know what to make of what happened this one time. we were long distance for the last three months of our relationship. the last time he visited, i reluctantly agreed for him to have sex with me even tho i didnt want to, which i told him and he understood, bc i felt bad and thought there was something wrong with me and thats why i was never horny. so i bent over the bed and let him fuck me while i just laid there emotionless. i was just a hole. it was literally just i bent over, he came in me, and that was it. no kissing, no nothing. just the simple act to get him off. after the fact, i went to the bathroom and just sat on the toilet and almost broke down in tears bc of how dehumanizing it felt. he felt really bad that i felt that way. i didn’t know i would feel that way when i agreed to it.

it sucks even a year later. i feel like he should have never done that even if i said it was okay, right? what would you think of this?

edit: i really didnt expect to be blamed for this especially after i said this was an emotionally abusive relationship. wont be posting here again