I'm kind of in a weird situation, and I'm hoping someone can help me understand what I'm feeling. To give you some context, I'm in an open relationship with a woman.

I've been seeing her, but she's still married. She had a falling out with her husband, and they don't have a romantic relationship anymore, although she still sees him on weekends, as well as their kids. We see each other about 3 to 4 times a week. We don’t always have sex, but when we do, she really enjoys it and says it’s the best she’s ever had. We also go out to eat and attend events together, and I really enjoy spending time with her.

However, there’s a complication. She’s also involved with another man who has severe erectile dysfunction and can’t provide her with what she wants sexually. Despite this, she feels more emotionally and mentally connected to him, saying she feels it’s love. But at the same time, she doesn't want to be with him because of his habits, like his extreme germaphobia, which she can't handle. She sees him about once a week, and I’m pretty sure he knows about me.

She has told me she’s grateful for meeting me and values our relationship, and I feel the same way. I appreciate her company and the time we spend together. However, she’s also been through childhood trauma, and only the other man seems to be able to understand what she’s going through emotionally. I don’t share that type of trauma, so it's hard for me to fully understand. She says the older guy provides her with insights into her past, and she has special feelings for him, but she admits her feelings for me are limited.

Here’s the part that’s been bothering me: I tend to be straightforward when something makes me uncomfortable, and I’m really upset by how she disrespects my time. She often sees the other guy even though I make time to see her first. When I bring this up, she tells me to leave her alone and says maybe we should see each other less. That feels really confusing because she says she’s grateful for me and values our relationship. She often says hurtful things when I express how I feel disrespected—like when she takes calls from him while we’re together. I’ve told her it’s not fair because I’ve made time for her, and I don’t think it’s important enough for her to answer the call when we’re together. When she sees him, I don’t contact her at all.

I'm feeling really confused about everything. The last time we talked, she said, "Let's stop seeing each other, it's too much for you." But when I called her the next day, she welcomed me to visit and acted like nothing happened. It feels like I always have to be the one to initiate contact and come back to her, but she never does. She says she’s not looking for anything serious, which I understand, but I do expect a certain level of respect in any relationship.