The majority of my time in school was spent in a long term relationship that ultimately fizzled out in the end. Long story short, I had convinced this girl to move very far away from her home so we could go to college together, and as a result, I forced my friend group to open up and let her in.

Ultimately, that relationship went way too fast too early and I was personally not ready for that level of commitment, even though I was the one who pushed for it. Mistakes that I hope I never repeat.

Anyways, my college friend group was my two male roommates, and then around six other women. A rather interesting group dynamic to be sure. One of the girls in this group, we’ll call her Britney, was very very very closed off and selective with who she wanted as a friend. She was definitely on the edge of the friend group for a good while. But eventually, through our shared interests, I was able to build a good friendship with her. And she was always really supportive of my relationship.

But, senior year, my relationship ended. My now ex was very combative in general which lead to her pushing away a lot of our friends, despite me still trying to keep her in the friend group even post-breakup. It was messy, but I do think I did a good job on still championing her inclusion as best as I could.

I spent my last semester of school in another state, preparing to enter the workforce in said state post-graduation. At this point, I was separated from my friend group and started drifting away. We still got together and partied for graduation, but afterwards, those friendships have really faded significantly. Without being close to them, mutual neglect has pushed all of us further apart.

Except for Britney. Britney would check in on me every month, seeing how I was doing, what I was up to, and just catching up with me. Now a single man, I started to look at her in a different way. She is such a kind, intelligent, clever, interesting, and beautiful girl. And every time I think of her, I feel that warm feeling.

Now, one year and a half, post-graduation, I suddenly got a professional opportunity in her city, around a 3 hour flight from mine. But, being a poor recent grad, I would only be able to do it if I could stay with her for that week. So, I reached out and just asked, figuring she would say no.

But much to my pleasant surprise, she said of course! Fast forward two weeks, I was sleeping on the floor in her living room. And we were going out to dinner, just the two of us. Going out for Halloween together. Seeing movies together. It was essentially dating in everything but name.

But nothing was said about that, no moves were made. I’m very hesitant and careful, not wanting to ever be a horror story about some out of control man. I try to be conscientious. And I know that she is very closed off, and I haven’t seen her in a romantic relationship period.

While I was there, she brought up the possibility of her moving to my city twice, just to get a change of scenery and politics from where she’s living. But, there was no concrete timeline on that.

Now, I’ve been home for about a week. We’re keeping in closer touch now, but I just feel so conflicted.

I think I do have very deep emotions for Britney. After that week, all I can think about is how incredible my life would be if every week was like that. But, on the other hand, I deeply value her friendship. She has been there for me when I’ve needed it most. And I just don’t know how she feels. And I especially don’t ever want to even lose her friendship.

So, what do you think I should do? Is it wrong to just keep my emotions inside? Is it wrong to confess? Should I just wait and see if she moves to my city? Am I insane? Is she just a really kind friend?