Posting here because r/Breakups is empty and also more about the fallout

Long story short, I've been with my gf almost 3 years. She has crippling anxiety, ptsd, and SA trauma, and has never been very physically or verbally affectionate except when drunk

When I would ask her to please touch me more (kisses, hugs, sex) or say things (I love you, compliments) she always told me she had trauma around them and I needed to be patient and stop bringing it up. The first year or two she had a big aversion to touch and would push me away as well

This went back and forth for about 2 years and my mental health got worse and worse. Endless nights of crying myself to sleep, obsessive resentful thoughts, or feeling like I would vomit due to the effects of touch deprivation and emotional starvation

I stayed because she was very calm & peaceful otherwise in contrast to my very chaotic & combative exes. I couldn't deal with that anymore so I put up with not being touched or feeling loved (besides text messages)

Eventually she got a bit better, cut down on drinking and started going to therapy after 2 years of me begging. Now she will sometimes hug me, hold my hand, or bring up sex

We used to have sex semi regularly but I am not attracted to her any more after all the rejection. She doesn't reject me these days but she's still motionless in bed and it feels depressing and honestly kind of disgusting

In August I tried to break up but she said she'd kill herself so I stayed. When I bring up our incompatibilities she invalidates everything I say by saying its not an issue or that it's getting better

I don't know how to argue because she's right, she's improving. But it's at such a slow rate of change that I just can't handle it anymore and it's not fair to her either. I feel broken

I don't know how to tell her that, or that I'm not even attracted to her anymore. Or that honestly, I don't want to try anymore. It would hurt her so badly

I just want to leave but I fear for her and also worry that my next partner will be worse like my exes. I have been in therapy for years but still feel stuck

I really need a breakup plan that is clearcut that I can follow through effectively

TL;DR

My gf is super sweet but is traumatized and barely touches or compliments me. It's gotten slightly better after almost 3 years but now I am just worn down, not attracted to her, and want to leave

She knows how to push my buttons emotionally to get me to stay, so I need help