So - (I 37M) came out of a 7 year relationship which broke me completely at the end in March. Long story short, was madly in love with someone who wanted to be polyamorous, ended up with her falling in love with someone else, lying to me and then treating me pretty badly.

Then at end of April this year, by chance I meet the most wonderful person. She’s also Irish and we share a hell of a lot of things in common, same sense of ridiculous humour, music and lust for life and we have been truly happy with a slight cloud over our heads. Problem is she has been highly focused on having a baby by the times she’s 35 (she’s 33 now), where as I have a vasectomy from my previous relationship and i never intended to have a child with my last partner. Now I do not know.

Despite being ridiculously happy together since April (bar a blip of a break up on August due to the same issue) we have agreed it best to break up due to my lack of clarity in regard to what I want childwise. I do love her and think she’s incredibly special and don’t want to hold her back from having a family of her own due to me not knowing what I want in 12 months / 5 years etc. 

I just worry that the space between these two relationships didn’t allow me to really replan my life and future, and now I feel I may have missed out on something really special with this wonderful person I met in April. 

Obviously I’ve been doing a lot of thinking / journaling snd just can not become unstuck. Any advice would be great, I obviously do need to figure out what I want for my future and what makes me happy. I do have a therapist which helps, but I also feel like an idiot if I was to try work things out again (and doubt even she would believe me if i decided I wanted children), I just cant stop feeling like I have self sabotaged myself.