My gf and I have been dating for a year now, and when we started dating, I'd been planning a trip to Japan with a big group of friends. Me and one other guy while planning were single and decided to share hotels, both of us got GF's before the trip, but as things had been booked early into our relationships, they didn't go with us on this 15 day trip.

Over the 15 days I was gone, I left my place to my gf. We spend the bulk of time at my place, so I asked her to water my plants, and if she could just to clean up a bit of what I couldn't get to before I left. When I got home though, 1 plant was totally dead, another on the brink of death (unsure if I can save it) and my place was absolutely wrecked. Boxes everywhere from deliveries, clothes everywhere, the bathroom is dirty, dishes on the counter, dishes in the sink, etc. She's had a lot of things at my place I've been asking to move back to hers because I simply don't have room (and they are just on my floor), clothes, legos I gave her as gifts, art I gave her as gifts, etc, thought maybe shed do that while I was gone. Maybe surprise me with a clean place....but while I was gone she rotted most of the time being stressed out from her night law classes and work, which I get. But...maybe its dumb, if I had been in her shoes, I'd have absolutely deep cleaned her place before she returned to make it nice, especially if I'd been staying there a good bit...I know thats me vs her and I can't expect exactly what I would do....but that doesn't sound unreasonable to me, and its also something I'd kind of really wish a partner was thinking about with me coming home from a long trip...

I was really put off by this when I got back to it being worse than I left it plus my plants which I gave her a full list of notes. How often to water, how to water, how to check, etc. I came back sick and jet lagged, and have had to spend my first day back deep cleaning and she hasn't even helped me do that...this is a bit of a bigger issue, one I've dealt with where I always do all the cleaning/laundry, everything. But I've always figured, its my place I guess its all on me but she doesn't treat it great if I'm being honest always leaving tons of trash and stuff everywhere. I know its not disrespect in her mind, but it feels a bit disrespectful if I'm being honest because we have had arguments before where I mentioned I'd never allow someone to come over as my place is now because there is just so much crap here that has no where to go because she leaves EVERYTHING at my place and leaves trash/cups/dishes all over that I have to be the one to clean up. It takes full weeks of me complaining about how much I have to clean before she will maybe wash dishes rarely, which she will leave on the counter for me to dry after doing all of our laundry, mopping, sheets, bathroom, etc....

I'm in a really weird spot. So much is so great about this relationship, the best I've ever had honestly, but these little things are stuff that severely make me question what forever would look like....which is an insane thought for me to be having given the stuff we talk about....but maybe I'm being an idiot and totally out of line? Is this just something some people work through? It feels impossible to have a conversation about this without it erupting into a gigantic fight or just her simply crying and nothing getting solved if I'm totally honest....idk what to do.