My fiancé and I had plans to get married in January of this year but his visa got denied. It’s been so heartbroken and hard on us. We have been apart since June of 2023 and we thought the long distance has ended. But I guess the universe had other plans for us. Now we’re applying for a marriage visa and that will take 1-2 years for him to come back to the U.S. . So, now we have plans to get married in his home country of South Korea in December and go to Japan for our honeymoon. Luckily with the job I have I get a lot of vacation time and I can go to South Korea 3 times a year. I’m lucky in that sense!

I would be getting married in South Korea alone due to my mom not wanting to make the trip because she’s phobic of flying and my dad not caring to come. My dad did say he’ll possibly come to my wedding but really I came to terms I’ll be getting married alone and it doesn’t bother me. My mom told me that we should get married Canada. But honestly we already have plans and I’m so excited to go to Osaka with him. Also I feel like since the visa denial I don’t care about a wedding. I just want to sign the papers. I told my mom that we have plans for South Korea but she pleaded with me to have it in Canada. Since my parents can drive from New York (where we live) to there. I just told my mom I’m not sure if I want to and then she started having a melt down. She told me I can do this for her so she can be at my wedding. She then went on with how it’s clear I don’t want her at my wedding. She also threw in that I’m ruining Christmas if my dad goes to South Korea to watch me get married. There was a lot of other stuff she said but this was the highlights of it.

I mentioned this idea to my fiancé and he understandably has concerns. He’s worried about the legal aspect of this and other issues regarding his visa denial. Sure both Canada and U.S. is different but he seems worried about this and not comfortable. I want to respect him and understand him more if there’s something I’m missing. I tried telling my mom how he feels and she shot it down and told me he can do this for them.

My mom agreed that we can speak to our immigration lawyer about this and contact the Canadian embassy or any type of officials about this. But with that my fiancé still feels uncomfortable and has concerns. Even my brother said he can put some effort into coming here since I’m always going there. But that’s not even what any of this about. I don’t want to put my fiancé in deeper legal issues with trying to come back to the U.S. so we can start our lives together. I don’t know I just feel stuck on what to do and I don’t know if it’s bad for wanting to keep the existing plans in South Korea? Does that make me selfish towards my parents?