A little bit of a background, this girl and I have known each other since we were 16. She has an amazing spirit that I love to be around. I fell for her when we were teens but the timing was just never right. She always kept me close but would never commit to dating officially. She has since told me she had self doubt about possibly sabotaging a great relationship that she just wasn’t ready for when we were young. I’ll always feel a strong connection to her as she was there by my side everyday my mom was in the hospital, when we were 20, and during my mom’s passing. But eventually I got tired of her pulling me in, confusing me, then pushing me away to date these terrible guys.

I moved on and started my own family. We eventually ran I to each other at a bar when we were 21. We rekindled and as she later told me realized she may have made a mistake but we couldn’t be together because I was married. At that point she then backed away. A few years later in our late 20’s we reconnected yet again, this time it was I again who had feelings for her and couldn’t stand the hurt of being close but too far. Her dating another idiot who would kick the shit out of her and I still being married with a wife and kids.

Fast forward to this summer. My wife and I split. I looked up my friend and saw a tweet where she referenced a fiancé to I thought cool, we can be friends with no pressure and bounce relationship advice off each other. Within a few texts I realized the tweet I saw was old, as I don’t have twitter and could only see a thumbnail on google that didn’t show a date posted, she was now single. So here we are both single for the first time ever. We initially just talked about being friends with benefits for the summer since I have kids and she’s not interested in being a parent. That didn’t last long as we immediately fell into deep feelings for each other.

The summer was great. We had a lot of fun and really fell into each other. But, at a certain point the feelings grew larger than where we were at in life. She is living with her mom trying to get her life back together after a breakup a year ago and I still having half a leg in at my ex wife’s house as I don’t have my own place yet. So, she put breaks on where we were at to be patient and let our individual lives develop to where we should be then revisit being together once we can come to each other with a full glass.

This leads me to now. We had a great week last week. I spent with night with her at her mom’s house twice last week, one of those nights having sex twice. It was very sweet and somewhat romantic. But she still insists we’re not official as we are not quite ready for that.

Yesterday though, she was going on about helping me find a place. She even offered to help me get into the house Nextdoor to her moms that just became available.

I haven’t asked her to clarify at this time as she’s usually guarded and doesn’t share her actual feelings very well. I’m just going with the flow. It seems like she could see us as friends again so no big deal if I live next door or she sees it as an opportunity to psuedo live with each other.

Does she want me close to live together or is this possibly a friend thing?