im a 22 year old female and ive been with my partner (26 year old male) for almost 5 years and we are engaged. cheating has never been a problem in our relationship but for the past couple months ive been finding conversations with other girls on his phone. the conversations ranged from friendly questions about music and hobbies to actually asking them to hangout. even though i never saw any sexting i did find flirty messages multiple times. obviously this devastated me. we have had many conversations about this and they have basically all ended up in a huge fight where he gets defensive and says things like “oh im not allowed to talk to girls” as in friendship. but from what im seeing its more flirting than friendship. we are both on facebook dating and he has basically an account for both of us with pics of us both and the bio says we are looking for girls to hang with etc. he never tells me when a girl messages him and he’ll call other girls pretty and cute and inquire about their lives and feelings.

i don’t know what to do.. i find this to be a pretty blatant sign of disrespect as i’ve set a boundary about this several times. i love my partner more than anyone and we have been through a fucking lot together im not wanting to end the relationship but any advice on how to get my feelings across in a way that might garner any other reaction than defense would be greatly appreciated