So my gf wants an open relationship, purely for sexual reasons. She tells me she’s satisfied w me, and that I’m a great gf, but she’s bisexual and expressed how she highly desires to be with men sexually, and that it validates her as a woman.

I was horrified when she told me this, because every single girl I’ve been with has eventually wanted to open or poly in our relationship, and everytime I said no I got cheated on, and like I’d consider myself mostly monogamous. And I told her I wasn’t really comfortable with it, and she didn’t seem to be too thrilled about that at first, and eventually ended up Litteralky crying because she can’t go have sex with men.

And like damn when she did, I mean I kind of realized like damn this is really important to you, in a way I could never understand. I agreed then, despite still being uncomfortable with it, because I don’t want to lose her.

Like the way she describes it makes me more comfortable. She only desires men sexually, and agreed she’d never see someone more than once or form emotional attachments, which I am ok with, I may not relate but I understand, but I can’t shake the fear that she will find someone else and leave me for them, or just play me like for a fool.

I love her so much, to the point I’d say she’s the love of my life, and she’s on the same page in that regard, but I just can’t personally seperate sex from emotion and I know she can, but it’s hard for me to come to terms with despite not being directly opposed to it. I trust her, and feel like she wouldn’t leave me for someone else, but I can’t shake the feeling of being uncomfortable with it.

She says that it’s not because I’m not enough for her as a gf, but there’s just certain things that I can never do for her as a woman. But like I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not enough for her and that just fucks w me and my trauma so hard. I feel so unwanted and hate how no matter what all my partners ever have always wanted more.