My long distance girlfriend and I are in a weird state where we haven't said we're not dating but we know we're at least friends. I should say I'm coming off a divorce, am newly poly, and my girlfriend and I dated for about 4 months. She said I love you first, we shared a lot of deep stories and conversations that often had to be deleted after because we didn't want to hurt our partners. I spent about a month of those four with her in person through me visiting and her visiting across the country. She says that since my divorce she's found things that made her unattracted to me. That killed me inside. I told her I care about her, that I don't want to breakup but knew that I was being toxic because I'm coming out of a divorce. The divorce was mutual, nothing horrible other than losing my kids full time but I still see them half the week.

What I don't get is that she, my girlfriend, said she made up her mind about us the week after my divorce. She said she didn't want to hold me back from finding someone local. That I'm not poly. And that I needed time to be less toxic. I agree with the toxic part, although I know at that time I was hurting and being clingy. I feel like she keeps creating barriers for us to have a long distance relationship, ones I've never said were an issue before. I told her I was worried about her and her marriage, I know I fucked up when I did that while being high and sad, to which she responded very strongly and matter of fact like. I apologized because I sent a message I couldn't unsend and I said what I did. It wasn't horrible, it was me expressing concern for her health and her relationship with her family. I overstepped like a moron but she forgave me and we talked about it, it was understood that it wasn't meant to be negative.

During all this, she continues to answer my calls, says I love you on the phone, tries to just split away while saying how much she loves me and cares immensely for me. I don't understand this. I am lost as to what I'm supposed to do. On Wednesday she said she needed space now more than ever because of a text my ex wife sent her. It's been three days of no contact and I sent a text tonight just asking for a general timeline for giving her space.

I don't know what to do right now. I'm doing self care, counseling, and everything else I need to do to keep myself focused on my health but my heart is in limbo. I care about her so much, more than I ever have about another person that isn't my own child. I know time will tell a lot, but right now I really need some solid outsider views. There are a million stories about being obsessed with someone after a few months, but this isn't one. I want to know why she keeps this up with me, and if this is really just something where space is needed.