I know snooping isn’t right, and I regret it, but I came across a draft post on my girlfriend’s phone where she talked about our relationship, and it has left me feeling gutted.

In the post, she mentioned that I’m a “good partner,” but the rest was overwhelmingly negative. She said she’s tired of dealing with my anxiety, tunes me out when I’m talking, and even zones out when I’m sharing things with her.

She’ll often pick up her phone or find other distractions when I’m mid-conversation. It makes me feel like I’m talking to a wall, and sometimes, I just stop talking because it’s clear she doesn’t care. This happens about half the time we’re having a conversation. I would estimate less than half of the times I stop mid-conversation, she asks me to continue telling her what’s up.

We’ve been going through a rough patch for a while, with intimacy and emotional connection both lacking. I have been trying to push us to be closer, not just with intimacy but being a solid support for one another. My girlfriend has some mental health issues (depression, pmdd and mood swings) and during our relationship I’ve been so supportive even when I don’t understand.

I’m admittedly an extremely anxious person, and I know that my anxiety affects the relationship, but every time I try to bring up these issues, she brushes it off as “my anxiety” being the root cause. It feels like my anxiety is being used as an excuse to invalidate my feelings and shut down conversations before they even start. It’s unfair, and I’m starting to feel like she’s not willing to work on things with me because she just blames everything on my anxiety.

I genuinely want to work on these issues together, but I don’t know where to go from here. Am I overthinking this, or is my anxiety really the problem? How do I address these issues without feeling like it’s all being pinned on me?