So we have been married 12 years. I'm 35 F and my husband is 37 M. There have been ups and downs and I admit I'm the jealous low self esteem part of the relationship. I don't feel like I have a high sex drive (missing and ovary after a pregnancy complication and was told it could very well be effecting me).

Long story short we have talked in length about trying to go into a sort of poly relationship. He full on said he's fine with me finding someone so long as we are all open about it. He doesn't want to find someone as he feels I wouldn't handle it well and he doesn't want to hurt me. I feel guilty for this as it's my actions and how I am that makes him feel this way. But he seems to be in full support of me finding someone. It used to be girlfriend only but over the last year and all the drama we had in trying to find someone, he's changed his mind and said if I find anyone I feel connected to he's in support.

It's not that we aren't in love or doing things. We are still very sensually active even after 12 years, 2 kids and thinking on a third. I think I'm the issue.. I've been burned so many times from close friends now that I don't feel like I connect to people or I'm quick to shut someone out if I feel it's a waste of time. I'm not exactly sure what advice I'm asking here I just needed to get my thoughts off of my chest. My husband seems more worried that with his health he won't be around as long as we'd like and he doesn't want me to be alone. But I just feel like the task is daunting to try to weed through people and find someone who is legit looking for a connection that's more then just sex from time to time. That or I've had bad luck on the dating apps and reddit forums.