for the past 2 years that we have been together, every time we argued he would want to break up with me. saying that we aren’t suited for each other and that we could easily find people that we are more compatible with. every time he said things like this id cry, beg and bring up all the ways we could make it work.

he’s said the most hurtful things to me “out of anger” so he says. i let it slide when we make up. when i somehow manage to convince him to stay, he apologises and is very sweet to me afterwards. till it happens again ofc.

for the first time, he brought up breaking up with me and i resisted a little bit at first. he asked “why are you so stubborn to stay with me? why cant you let me go?” and i saw the look in his eyes and i told myself i couldnt be selfish anymore. this guy been practically begging to leave me continuously for the past 2 years we’ve been together. he has never fought for me. the only time he will finally start to think of solutions to our problems is when he’s calmed down.

i told myself i cant make someone stay with me when they dont want to. he said he couldnt see us having a good life together that all we have is struggle. he’s always wanted to travel but we have a baby now which doesnt make it impossible, but it makes it a bit harder and we’d have to put in more effort. i was willing to do all the things to make him happy. it’s just that being with me would be the harder way. he could easily get what he wants if he wasnt with me. i sympathised with him, felt terrible that he wasnt happy about his life in general and i finally accepted it. after 2 years i finally accepted that i cant force someone to stay and work things out with me.

i took his hands and cried because i was letting him go. i told him i was sorry he felt his life was going nowhere and that i still wanted to make things work, but if he truly saw no hope in being with me then i’d let him go because i want him to be happy. i could see his face changed but he went through with it anyway. he called his cousin to talk and he left.

as soon as he left i told my mom he was leaving us (me and the baby). she was sad for me and asked me what was going on. i instantly started deleting pictures of us on my phone but i kept the ones of him and the baby so that when she grew up, she could have some pictures of her dad to look at.

as sad as i felt, i also felt relief. i felt like i was doing the right thing especially for him. i still loved him but i just had this feeling that he didnt love me like i loved him. for me, i wanted to be with him through thick and thin no matter what. for him, his dreams are more important. as long as im getting in the way of that, im disposable. he has no attachment to me.

OR SO I THOUGHT. my mom was furious that he was abandoning me and the baby. suddenly he came back and talked about spending the night with me at my moms. i was shocked and confused because he has been talking about breaking up for FOREVER, he is finally getting what he wants, yet he wants to stay the night here? he didnt have his break up face on either. he looked soft. but i didnt want to risk it so i didnt say anything. my mom said “if you want to abandon my daughter and my granddaughter, then youre not welcome in this house.”

fair reaction, honestly. i felt terrible for him but i understood my mom’s anger. i’d feel the same way too if my daughter was going through something like this (though i wouldnt wish it on anybody).

for some reason he reacted very poorly. he was aggressive and angry. he called his family and said “im getting kicked out because we broke up. now im being treated like shit”. i was so confused as to why he was talking as if he was a victim. as far as we were all concerned, he was already planning on leaving me in the first place… i didn’t understand this one bit.

then as he was leaving he was slamming things and kicked the fence on his way to the road and he shouted. then he said “i went to talk to my cousin, then i thought id come back so we could work things out but no more. im done.”

i didnt feel relieved anymore. i couldn’t believe he was actually going to reconsider leaving. he wanted to work things out. that’s why he was so mad when my mom kicked him out. i tried my hardest to get him back AGAIN. just to talk and get our stories straight.

he was also mad that i didnt stand up for him hard enough when my mom was kicking him out. i don’t understand what he was expecting. i tried to get her to calm down because she was escalating things. i could literally see her fuming. the only reason i didnt fight too hard for him was because i was 100% certain we were DONE. it is HER house at the end of the day, and again, we were OVER so it’s not like i was going to leave with him?? it’s not like he’d be out in the streets. we recently moved to a new place but there was no internet so we stayed at my mom’s place temporarily. he also had his family he could go to for internet.

he basically said that he talked to his cousin and his cousin said “even though youre leaving, you still love her.” then that made him realize he still loved me and didnt want to leave just like that. that is FUCKING confusing.

this whole time he kept saying all the things i lack. im not athletic enough, not kind enough, not strong enough, not adventurous enough. all these things i LACK but you love me?

it was nice to know of course. we got back together n chalked it up as a misunderstanding but im having a strange feeling… because im not scared of us breaking up anymore. ive already got a hint of what it would be like and im not scared anymore. if he ever wanted to leave and had no love for me i’d let him once again.

im just so confused… how can he come back and just now realize he loves me after all that struggle? the one time i actually let him go, he reconsidered? this is so confusing. and he seriously constantly puts me down. maybe not intentionally but i hardly hear anything good about me come out of his mouth but he claims to love me? im so confused. i could really use some advice