This has been eating away at me for a long time. My ex was dismissive avoidant for context but would always be super hot and cold the whole relationship, would never go with me on vacations and always wanted to club and drink at parties on them. On the second to last week before she left to go to the masters program (whose app I wrote for her!) I said “I would never do an open relationship it always ends in a public melt down and hurt feelings”. Then she, I kid you not, says “if possible, an open relationship would be ideal” while sitting cradled in my arms after getting a food coma from the food I made in studio apartment I pay for because she never wants to hang at her place. I wonder now if the only time I had a home in life, was with a fake and a cheater. How cold and distant she’d become especially on vacation, only clubbing with her girlfriends never me (one was super disrespectful always mentioning her ex flings and even begging her to ask me if they could flirt with boys at their cabin for a Tahoe trip. Her best friend since 3 YO liked me a lot as her BF’s partner and ex gf was never distant and would call me after going out.), saying this despite me repeatedly saying I wasn’t okay with it. I kind of realized maybe I was just a useful sex friend, therapist, chef, and chauffeur when she did undergrad at my uni, and once she was done using me and got to her dream program (because of an app I wrote when she had below average credentials), I was just thrown away like worn out clothes. Maybe it’s copium, but I’m praying that I am overthinking, she did love and value me, nothing happened, and just we grew apart but she still misses me.