so, im a jealous gf. ive had issues with self image and insecurities basically all my life. my bf is a very attractive guy and he didn’t really realize he was until recently. he has received lots of comments and attention from girls before but he never really saw what they did till he was reminiscing on old pictures of himself from when he was a teenager.

anyway, for a while now whenever he goes out to run errands by himself (because we have a baby and i stay home with her sometimes) he dresses himself up or tries to look really good mainly to get a reaction out of me. it’s very obvious but it’s hard to explain. like he’ll look at me when he’s leaving with a smirk n say bye. or he’ll say things while he is getting ready like “gotta look good” and “oh i might be too eye-catching”. i dont mind that he looks good it’s just the fact that he is trying to bother me (and it works) that makes me upset.

i brought it up the first few times it happened and he said “teasing is my love language and i love your reaction”. which i thought was okay… i guess im just sensitive and this is something i need to get used to. my bf is a pacific islander born and raised. he claims that back home everyone mocks each other as a form of endearment. i believe him because in NZ where i stay, there are lots of pacific islanders (me being half samoan) and ive seen it. so i thought it was no big deal just an adjustment i had to make.

the weird thing about it is that when i do react jealous-like, sometimes it becomes a problem. it’s confusing because i thought this is what he wanted. for example the other day he left cuz he wanted some space so he ate at the mall by himself. this worried me because he was in a bad mood and when we argue, many times he has said stuff about cheating (just to get me to leave). so when he went out in a bad mood i thought he would be up to something. he reassured me that he didnt. then i made a comment about having something like a promise ring or whatever to keep me calm. so that people would know he isnt single. something like that. he flipped out and started saying stuff about trust and how he had it worse.

what he meant by he had it worse was that at the start of our relationship we were working at the same job and i was the only woman. pretty sure you can tell how it was.. i was oblivious to how the men were around me but i never listened to my bf. since then ive really regretted it and ive tried to have strict boundaries around men. i sorta treated my male colleagues better than him. he went through a lot which i am sorry for.

so he compared our situations. im jealous even though he hasnt actually done anything to make me not trust him whereas he has seen stuff with his own eyes but he managed to overcome it. fair point, but he’s acting like my jealousy comes out of nowhere. some of my jealousy is just from me before i even met him but the constant threatening to leave or cheat when we argue has made me a broken person. he hasnt actually done anything but he has said a lot that i cant shake off. he said “i want you to be grateful” as in, grateful i havent actually seen anything like he has.

i do understand what he means it’s just that he undermines the pain he caused me. as if by acknowledging what he’s done to me takes away what ive done to him. which it doesnt at all. im willing and have been willing to own up to my mistakes and try make it right. it’s just really upsetting when he treats my insecurities and jealousy like im a crazy person for feeling it. that it makes no sense for me to feel that way.

do you think he is actually joking when he jokes around about other girls or getting other people’s attention? because to me, given all that he has said out of anger it’s hard to believe he says things just for funsies